How A Secure Person Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away

Описание: Discover your CORE attachment style (FREE quiz) at: https://reneeslinks.com/
My popular blog (for the most in depth advice): https://www.thefemininewoman.com/
David's blog: http://commitmenttriggers.com/

How does a secure person handles an avoidant pulling away?

Your avoidant pulling away can be maddening, but it doesn’t have to cause you to spiral, and we’re going to discover exactly how securely attached people respond to avoidants pulling away, so that you can not only model the secure person’s behaviours, but also start to resonate with their security-enhancing techniques and thought processes.

By the way, we are Renée Wade and David Shen, and for the last 16years we’ve been coaching women in dating, relationships and healing insecure attachment styles.

Firstly, understand that secure attachment is an inner resource by which secure people draw from during stressful times.

This means that secure people would be able to react without a fight or flight response when the avoidant pulls away, because their nervous systems are well regulated.

Instead, they seek to understand or to problem solve. Of course, I have to make a distinction here between the masculine and feminine responses of secure people.

In general, masculine men tend to focus on problem solving in their default state, whereas feminine women would tend towards nurturing in terms of their actions.

But their actions both come from a place of resourcefulness, not from a place of fighting or fleeing.

So a secure person, man or woman would notice the avoidant pulling away and acknowledge the sudden change in behaviour. Then they’d get curious and ask themselves, “this is unexpected, did I do something to cause this?”

They might reach out to ask if the avoidant is ok, or if they need anything?

Now, if they’ve experienced this behaviour with the avoidant many times in the past, their behaviour will look a little different. There are two possibilities the secure person will choose:

They may just tell the avoidant: “I’m here if you need anything”.

Or on the flip side of the coin, they’ll see that the relationship is not going anywhere, despite their many attempts at creating intimacy with the avoidant, and choose the end the relationship with the avoidant.

Remember this: a secure person would only waste their valuable energy on an avoidant for one reason:

They’re misguided about the psychology of avoidants.

In other words, they project their own inner security onto the avoidant, believing erroneously, that the avoidant sees them positively and will return with more presence when they’re ready.

Now if you want to discover your core attachment style and get a score for how secure you are, go and take our free attachment quiz.