The Last Echo of Cwm Llwm

Описание: I wrote this during a sad, dark and very long winter night back in 2024. Something was stirring in head and heart and I felt that soon something would be ending.

2024 was a year of much greif, sorrow, heart break and loss. I had close friends leaving the world every other month. So much death. Friends, taking their own lives. Terrible illnesses, cruel undeserving endings for people I held dear.

When you combine that grief with your the darkness you already carried. It can take you to places you never truly wanted to go to.

For months and months, I was making plans to end my life. I'd lost hope, and lost control of my emotions and I felt at that time, there was only one thing that would ever give me peace and that was silence.

So every so often I'd write something like this for my closest and dearest. Looking back, its clear what this was. It was by good byes to people.

But. I kept going and things continued to spiral.

During a reflex moment of emotion over understanding. I snapped. I turned away from some one and I never thought to considor how this would have made them feel. This person was a creative driving force, and too this day, I have never met anyone with the same level of creative genius she has. They stirred up ideas like no one else, and they where just accepting, kind, and made a huge impact on me, and even now that influence remains.

and I walked away from that in a moment of stupidity. She had to protect her self and so built a wall that could never be breached, and I cant fucking blame her.

Over a year later. I still feel that absence and I suprise my self too with just how persistent it is. You'd think surely by now a year on, it would have at least eased, and let go.

But it hasn't. I wish I could understand why.
I've lived and lost and conquered some personal demons.
I beat the booze. 6 years sober.
I lay a new foundation to re-build my self.
I jumped into unreal engine after discarding 5 years of work that could not be saved.
I faced it all, and carried on.
I pushed through those months and months of preparing for my own ending.

There are more victories than defeats. More light, than there is dakrness.
and right at the middle of all that, Hope burns brightly.

Yet, my mind often returns to this loss, and to regret that surrounds it.
One moment, just one. Flipped it all upside down.

So I went back to this story, and decided to do something with it, to channel that grief into words, music and visuals in the hope it would help with the healing.

Its not even about closure, or forgiveness. If I knew what it was, I'd properly be in a better place to move on from it.



my welsh isn't very good. I had to use translators to find the right wording to match the feeling and my own wording, but if you can forgive the faults at trying to cross that language barrier, then I hope this story offers some understanding of that feeling and maybe even offer a warm blanket to some one else who had felt a loss similar.


*please note all the visuals where crafted in unreal engine 5.7 with the scenes being built using several assets from my library. Everything in this edit comes from me. everything crafted and shaped by my own hands. Every detail how I wanted it to be. I did use Text to speech for the story as my confidence for recording is very much lacking, but I wrote every word, so everything is a reflection of my experience. I spent countless hours even trying to find the right music to enhance the feeling.

Time. care, dedication was give to every single frame until eventually I had to make do with what I'd built. It was just becoming to heavy on my head and heart. So some things I wanted to do just aren't there (animations matching to the story, more tracking/panning shots) and I decided at 5am this morning after another long night, this will just have to do.


So here we are and here is The Last Echo of Cwm Llwm.