The Sexual Relationship | Sexual Development & Family Relationships | Part II

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This is the second lecture on sexuality, covering the material from Dr. David Scharff's book 'The Sexual Relationship: An Object Relations Approach to Sex and the Family' We'll be going over Chapters 4 - 8.

Dr. David Scharff explores the role of sexuality in human relationships by combining his extensive experience in individual, marital, family, and sex therapy with theoretical contributions from object relations theory and child development.

Chapter 4: Separation and Individuation:
The first thing he addresses in this chapter is the role of the father in attachment separation. Scharff recognizes that there is a central meaningful role to play for a fathering figure in the life of the children. Child research now shows the emotional differential between the mother and father. A mother with a child tends to be soothing and providing of a safe environment, and with the father figure there is more increase in the child’s energy level. And that these both meld into each other. The father solidifies in the child’s mind that there what Klein called the combined parental object. How does the child come to know what loving relationships and intimacy is and the answer is unless the child can take in interject identify with that kind of experience in its home it has no template for achieving the that in the outside world

Chapter 5 - Beginnings of Sexual Relatedness in Infancy and Childhood:

Sexual activity attaches itself to function serving the purpose of self-preservation. It does not become independent of them until later. Sigmund Freud 1905 three essays on the theory of sexuality any exactly to begin with sexual activity attaches itself to function serving the purpose of self-preservation. Baby at a mother’s breast is about feeding a baby at the mother’s breast is about nutrition and of the emotional connection the physiological protection even the mother provides a sexual about it.

Dr. Scharff is onto something here about sexuality being almost a totality or at the very least integrated fully with a sense of identity and I also think we can start seeing that much earlier than we ever have before for paying attention. It is true that if there is a catastrophic failure of nurturing care if there is a catastrophic failure of containments if the mother and father do not adequately care for the very young child or infant adequately. Then substance than the major than the quote is major deficits in General Development make specific sexual development clinically irrelevant.

Chapter 6 - Sexual Symptomatology in Childhood and Adolescence:

What happens if the child’s developmental dynamic if there development of identity and sexuality becomes derailed. In this chapter he list simply a series of several disorders that he thinks are tied in a way I have just described. Tying a child disorder to a psychosexual developmental dynamic he does the same thing with very common childhood disorders . Parents will often take children to clinicians if they believe the childhood experience of masturbation is pathological is inappropriate is too much sometimes it is, but if it is, it is up potential opportunity for the clinician and the parents to see the meaning of that excessive masturbation as a function of the child’s desperate attempt to contain its own experience of anxiety.

I think the the weight of the literature it can be described in summarize this way if in the child’s experience there is a kind of trauma we have to ask several questions first because rarely is an individual isolated trauma in any causally linked way the director’s the direct result or results directly in a sexual derailment or dysfunction.

Chapter 8 - The Adequacy of the Parents Functioning as Parents:

Two issues in this chapter. First is the neglect in taking care of the child and the child’s body. What happens as a general matter in the development of a child’s mind and sense of identity if the parents are negligent. What is important is what is the emotional meaning of that neglect of the child takes and does the child take in. The child might be angry at their parents reluctantly, but they am too scared and vulnerable for that, so I must be a bad child must be my fault that they do not care enough about me the that developmental ramifications of that internalized bad object of that hate and anger turned against are depression among other things possibly masochism.

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Donovan Bigelow is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) in private psychotherapy practice in Seattle, Washington. His clinical focus is on adolescent, adult, and couples therapy. He believe that therapists cannot take a patient deeper than they have been willing to go themselves.