Child Development Part III | Preparing for Stability

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There is a passionate desire for parents to figure out a way to take all the pain away from their children.

The title of the book that most of this material is from is called ‘The Bringing up of Children’ published in 1952. I will cover the first chapter’ Preparing for Stability’ by Ella Freeman. I will spend a great deal of time in these lectures going over the specifics the nuts and bolts the issues that arise inevitably in all child development.

These issues can evoke a great deal of conflict, anxiety and sometimes fear and anger on the part of parents who either have done things differently or who do not believe that I what they are hearing is the best way to do it. They feel somehow attacked or blamed or judged if they do it differently.

The chapter starts off saying that Psychoanalysis in the matter of bringing up children, was only negative or what not to do. Can psychoanalysis offer a positive contribution suggest a plan for upbringing that will ensure the mental health of a child. Well brought up children will never be trouble-free. I think there has been passionate enthusiastic desire for parents to figure out a way to take all the pain away from their children.

I think parents instinctively want to make it right by their children they do not want him to suffer. They do not want them to feel anxiety or pain and it is understandable possibly even a noble feeling it simply is impossible.

The simple truth is from birth and probably before a baby’s mind is not just immensely complicated is also riven with very intense emotions that most adults are not comfortable with themselves. And the idea that they these intense and very uncomfortable emotions might be swarming around inside their babies mind is a very disturbing thought.

We must overcome that and if we do not understand our children if we do not understand what is really going on inside their minds then we cannot do what is good for them.

Child development and therapy of children and I think adolescence as well requires the intervention in the entire family system. You cannot fix the child, parents who want the therapist to fix the child are in for a great deal of frustration as is the child. Ella Freeman thinks it is important and I agree that the greatest contribution of psychoanalysis is the possibility of greater self-knowledge knowledge of the hidden self and the dynamics of the unconscious.

The absolute reliability of the parental figures is the child’s mainstay through all its own changing world. It’s great need in early years is that his own emotional adjustment should be made within a stable and secure environment not a cast-iron and rigid one, but one in which there is an orderly life dictated by unfailing love and implicit faith.

I think that is the best part of it, and that to do that right is an immense and rewarding responsibility. there is no blame is no judgment here. There is profound and immense responsibility if we have benevolent curiosity about our own reactions first and then turn that more reality-based curiosity toward our children’s growth. We will execute that responsibility well and our children will benefit from it dramatically and we will one day hopefully be able to bounce our grandchildren on her knee and see the smile on their face.

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Donovan Bigelow is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) in private psychotherapy practice in Seattle, Washington. His clinical focus is on adolescent, adult, and couples therapy. He believe that therapists cannot take a patient deeper than they have been willing to go themselves.