Episode 5: Who Influences You?

Описание: Episode 5: Influence is everywhere, and it can be heathy or unhealthy. Here are ways to know which is which.

SIGNS OF HEALTHY SYSTEMS OF INFLUENCE

The system helps people feel welcome and important to the group as they are.
The system encourages healthy community, teamwork, and camaraderie, as well as open discussion and debate about group projects, goals, and decisions.
Members are role models for each other, but internal competition is a choice rather than a requirement.
Individual hard work and excellence are celebrated, and are attributed to the individual.
The group encourages self-awareness and personal responsibility, but does not require public self-exposure.
The system supports privacy, self-respect, independence, and kindness.
Communication is direct and open, and secret-keeping is discouraged
Members are not required to spy on or report others.
Members have the right to challenge the ways that group unity is achieved.
Striving for excellence may be a group value, but the demands are not harsh, and people are not penalized for failure.
Dedication may be a group value, but the group makes room for casual members.
The system incorporates fairness, concern for individuals, and acceptance of outsiders.
The group provides a healthy sense of belonging and realistic levels of commitment.
The group does not require people to re-invent themselves or dedicate their lives to the cause.
Leaders and special insiders are not above the rules, and they can be challenged if they disrupt or ignore group norms.
The system helps members develop a unified group identity that does not erase their own identities.

When a system of influence is healthy, it supports group identity and individual identity equally. Healthy influence creates a sense of belonging, dedication, friendliness, and teamwork; and it can help people reach goals that they couldn’t achieve on their own.

When a system of influence is toxic, it demands change, obedience, and a stripping away of individual identity. Toxic systems of influence exploit close community ties to control and change members into obedient followers.

Unhealthy systems of influence focus on the group above all other things, including individual rights, dignity, and even safety. These unhealthy systems routinely manipulate their members, pit them against each other, create enemies and fear of the outside world, and enforce obedience at all costs.

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY SYSTEMS OF INFLUENCE

There is constant pressure for people to change and conform.
The push for change comes from above; the needs or ideas of members are not important.
The system of influence is built into the powerful sense of community; this deep closeness is both supportive to members and also a way for the group to pry into and control members’ private lives.
Loyalty to family or friends is discouraged; all loyalty must be focused on the group and the leader.
Gossip, informal communication, and off-topic conversations may be forbidden.
Members have no privacy; their actions, behaviors, emotions, and even thoughts are monitored.
Members soon internalize the pressure to conform, and will obediently monitor and report their own behavior.
Because members must report on themselves and also each other – a culture of confession will arise.
Confessions are public; and punishment and humiliation are public as well.
The leader’s behavior is off limits; no one can report on the transgressions of the leader, for they are perfect and can do no wrong.
Special people around the leader or the leadership group are also protected from any criticism; often there are no consequences for their behavior or actions.
The group may develop its own special language that outsiders cannot understand.
Any successes or hard work performed by individuals will be attributed to the group or leader, while any difficulty or failure will be blamed on individuals.
People in the outside world are treated as non-people: unenlightened, deluded, or evil – and they only have value if they can be converted.
The group or the leader may reinterpret events to verify the group’s beliefs, fears, or visions of the future; everything will be fitted into their transcendent belief system.

Breaking free from toxic systems of influence can be very difficult, however, people can and do break free every day – and we can all learn how to identify and avoid these unhealthy and harmful systems.

Practice mentioned in this episode:
Ethical Empathic Gossip: https://karlamclaren.com/a-holiday-gi...

Post: Why Did You Believe in the End of the World? https://karlamclaren.com/why-did-you-...

Books:
Escaping Utopia: https://www.routledge.com/Escaping-Ut...

The Power of Emotions at Work (an unforgettable title ;): https://karlamclaren.com/the-power-of...

Braver Angels: https://braverangels.org/our-mission/