When Fighting Is the Only Way You Feel Closer (EP83)

Описание: Have you ever noticed that your biggest fights are followed by your deepest moments of connection?

The chaos feels exhausting… but the closeness feels real.

In this episode of Fight Club on Change the Odds, Kevin A. Thompson sits down with Blaine and Adrienne Neufeld to unpack a powerful (and dangerous) relationship pattern: when conflict becomes your primary form of intimacy.

This week’s couple is an Enneagram 3 with avoidant attachment and an Enneagram 8 with anxious attachment. He pursues. She shuts down. He pushes harder. She refuses to lose. The fight explodes… and somehow they feel closer afterward.

What’s really happening?
Why some couples unknowingly wire their brains to equate chaos with connection
How anxious and avoidant attachment can create an addictive conflict cycle
The hidden “payoff” that keeps explosive patterns alive
Why calm can feel threatening
What secure attachment would actually look like for this pairing
Practical tools to break the fight-to-connect loop

Kevin explains how our nervous systems can become comfortable with dysfunction simply because it’s familiar. When stress chemicals, adrenaline, and emotional intensity get paired with bonding, the brain can start to believe: Chaos brings connection.

But there’s a better way.

You’ll also hear:
A breakdown of the emotions “under the table”
The strengths and shadow sides of this 3/8 pairing
How to use the Window of Tolerance to stop solving problems outside your emotional capacity
A surprisingly simple (and powerful) exercise to retrain your body to experience calm connection

If calm feels distant but chaos feels connected, this episode is for you.
Marriage and family were never meant to be a game of chance. You can change the odds.