Kan Yourself - Eminem (Riichi Mahjong Parody)

Описание: [▼Full Lyrics & More▼]
My Riichi Mahjong Tutorial:    • Riichi Mahjong - Beginner Tutorial [Mahjon...  

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| Lyrics |

Look, If you had 3 dora
And you drew the fourth
While you’re sitting last in south 4
And it’s your rank up game,
Would you Kan it?
Or just let it slip?

His hands are sweaty,
Bamboo is flowing steady,
There’s a message on his screen reading
Yakuman Ready

He’s nervous
He doesn’t know if he should pon or chii,
Maybe sit and wait in tenpai
For a six or a three.

So he pushes, the dealer starts smiling now
A riichi stick, one two three come out,
They’re joking now, they’re all emoting now
Time’s up and you deal in, it’s Tanyao plow

Snap back you’re in expert three
Oh you’re losing easily,
Oh? You’re calling riichi for a closed wait
On the bamboo three?

No the hand is not easy
No there’s no advancing see
You’re counting all the orphans in your
Hand and seeing nobody

So he’s stuck dreaming of first
He’s so mad that he’s cursed
He’s on a pinfu only hand
And knows that is the worst

He’s upset because this game is his life-u
And he’s getting laughed at
By his favorite waifu

You better call a riichi
In south 3, it’s easy, believe me
You want the chance to call a Ron

You only get one round,
Ippatsu with tsumo, so
You’re in the dealer seat right now
Let’s get on with the show

He’s focused
No longer is playing for fun
He’s doing research online to find
Riichi Book 1

It’s late
And his eyes are getting weary
But he’s reading more to learn about
Five block theory

Wait
He’s taking notes down with a ballpoint pen
And learning quickly how to make a perfect
ii-shan-ten

True, his game’s looking the same
There’s no one else there to blame
But there’s a spark inside that
Maybe something bigger has changed

Eating up knowledge like edamame
Analyzing tiles now seeing suji and kabe

Playing for the kill now and
His tricks intend
To catch you with a haneman
In dameten

Ranking up and getting
To familiar lands
Cleaning up and calling Ron with
half outside hands

His wins are getting vicious
While you’re going berserk
And just like the loading screens
They’re not safe for work

You better call a pon for the dora,
You oughta, before-a
The dealer’s hand is ready so

You’ve only got one suit, do not miss your full flush yo
That hand is gonna be 5han maybe 6han closed

Excuse me
I’m the mahjong version of Goku
Eating 3 mixed beans like a senzu sanshoku

I’m the braised GOAT
And you’re a cute little bonchon
So I’m winning now you’re saying how
While losing a hanchan

Riichi Dora Ittsuu
I’m assembling mangans
While you’re furiten and dealing in
Your points are just all gone

Calling a chii, with a one three,
Oh you thought maybe you’d win off of me?
I’m giving you lessons you’re over there guessing
I’m getting a starting hand blessing of heaven

Oops, excuse me did I say enough
You’re gonna backseat in the comments and you think you’re so tough?

You see, I’m risking everything by showing up
You’re hiding with an avatar you found in shonen jump

Ya little garbage dump, yeah I’m making a scene
Kazoi Yakuman cause my Han count is over 13

You see Sebastian the crab? I’m only just seeing me
It’s never over cause I’m winning with an Under The Sea

You better call a kan, before it’s gone, a sanbaiman with ura san
First, it’s what we’ve betting on

You’ve only got 1k
Riichi, it’s your final call
It’s like the time I spend on making vids
I’m risking it all

| Special Thanks |
My community: the funniest and kindest group out there.
My mods: bread_bowl_shoes, butzjanitels, commandychan, grlluigi, kimbunni, jp00p, and oishi47.
My girlfriend Beth, who I could not have done this without.

| Mahjong |
You might have encountered Riichi Mahjong in the Yakuza series, by watching the Akagi or Saki anime, or you might have seen your favorite VTubers from Hololive or Nijisanji playing. The rules are virtually identical whether you're playing in Yakuza, FFXIV, Mahjong Soul, Touhou, or Riichi City.