Is Scorekeeping Silently Sabotaging Your Relationship? The Hidden Trap That Destroys Connection

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Explore the hidden patterns that sabotage connection—especially the habit of keeping score in relationships. Amber and Austin dive into how acts of service can get entangled with self-worth, how to build equality and flow in a partnership, and why curiosity, communication, and intentionality are key to long-term connection. Let this heart-centered conversation inspire a new way of being in relationship—one rooted in love, not tally marks.

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💬 Have you ever caught yourself keeping score in a relationship—consciously or unconsciously? How did it affect your connection?

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📒 SHOW NOTES & RESOURCES 📒
In this episode, Amber and Austin explore the often overlooked tendency to keep score in relationships—and how it can silently erode love, connection, and inner balance. They reflect on their 10-year relationship, share personal breakthroughs, and challenge societal norms about worth and contribution in romantic partnerships.

Key Insights:
Why relationships are not competitions—and how scorekeeping creates disconnection
The danger of linking self-worth to how much you give or do for others
How to create mutual understanding and flow around responsibilities
Redefining value in a relationship from external roles to internal connection
The power of curiosity and ongoing learning in long-term relationships
Recognizing and healing people-pleasing patterns
How appreciation differs from obligation and why it matters
Ways to build sacred space through intentional conversation and weekly check-ins
Letting go of perfection and embracing continual growth as a couple
Tools and reflections from Silence Your Inner Critic to deepen inner alignment

Ideal for: Anyone in a relationship—romantic or otherwise—seeking deeper understanding, emotional clarity, and the tools to grow a more connected, heart-led partnership.

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⏰ TIMECODES ⏰
00:00 - Introduction: Self-worth and acts of service in relationships
00:53 - The need to reprioritize sacred connection time
01:49 - The rise of scorekeeping in modern relationships
02:34 - The nuance between imbalance and keeping score
03:20 - Self-worth entangled with giving: the hidden cost
04:23 - Amber introduces Silence Your Inner Critic
05:26 - Understanding shifting roles without devaluing your partner
06:33 - Commitment, longevity, and choosing love every day
07:32 - Asking deeper questions about value in relationships
08:26 - People-pleasing and unmet needs behind scorekeeping
09:23 - Weekly check-ins to stay aligned and connected
10:05 - “Love Is Blind” moment: learning from other couples
11:39 - Morning beverages, dishes, and conscious responsibility
12:39 - Finding joy in the mundane through connection
13:51 - Growth mindset in long-term love
15:11 - Scorekeeping distracts from deeper connection and curiosity
16:13 - Watering the grass: amplifying positives over negatives
16:55 - Appreciation vs. validation: a powerful shift
18:57 - How actions are noticed not tallied
20:05 - Inner critic, negativity bias, and our mental roommates
21:16 - Relationships as the easiest “in” for positive change
22:00 - Challenging societal definitions of value in partnerships
23:36 - Creating a sacred bubble of shared values
25:27 - True north: grounding your relationship when life gets chaotic
26:50 - Internal alignment leading to external harmony
27:45 - Simplicity, communication, and staying in your heart
28:04 - Resources: *Silence Your Inner Critic*, the crash course, and community

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