Are You Truly Living? Building Impact Through the Moments That Matter Most

Описание: In this episode of Are You Truly Living?, Laura Toop is joined by Dan Glyde and Mark Carolan for a powerful, grounded conversation about what happens when strength becomes performance - and the real self quietly disappears behind the mask.

This episode goes to the heart of emotional disconnection: the pressure to be “fine,” the internal stories we inherit, and the cost of leaving half of ourselves outside the room. Together, Laura, Dan and Mark explore how identity gets shaped by expectation, why we cling to performance even when it hurts, and what it takes to reclaim the parts of ourselves we abandoned for survival.

What we explore:
🔸 Why performance becomes identity - and why it feels safer than being seen
🔸 The moments we betray ourselves without realising
🔸 How childhood patterns shape adult masks
🔸 The instinct to hide emotional reality behind competence, humour or control
🔸 The power of presence, honesty and being witnessed
🔸 How disconnection fuels burnout, frustration and collapse
🔸 Replacing performance with grounded truth - and why that changes everything
🔸 “You are not nothing” - the journey back to wholeness

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You are not nothing, and that is a very good place to start.
The answer to everything is all of us, and we're stronger together.

#AreYouTrulyLiving #Authenticity #PerformanceCulture #SelfLeadership #EmotionalSafety #Identity

Connect on LinkedIn:
Laura Toop: /   / laurabridgingthegap  
Mark Carolan: /   / mark-carolan-67092a138  
Dan Glyde: /   / danglydecoach  

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⏳ Timecoded summary:

⏱️ 00:00 - Welcome & setting the tone
Laura reflects on the pressure to “hold it all together” and how often performance becomes survival.

⏱️ 01:10 - Why strength becomes a mask
Laura explores how we learn - often young - to appear strong even when we’re collapsing inside, and how that performance begins to define us.

⏱️ 03:05 - The hidden cost of performance
Dan speaks about how being “fine” or “capable” becomes the default mask, gradually disconnecting us from what we actually feel.

⏱️ 05:20 - Becoming the ‘finished product’ we think we’re meant to be
Mark unpacks the fantasy of completion - how we push ourselves toward an idealised version of strength instead of accepting ongoing becoming.

⏱️ 07:45 - Leaving parts of ourselves outside the room
Laura challenges the idea that performance is leadership. She shares how easy it is to abandon our needs to fit the expectations in front of us.

⏱️ 10:00 - Autopilot identity & patterned reactions
Dan reflects on how we react from habit rather than awareness, and how masks form when we avoid naming what is really happening in us.

⏱️ 12:15 - The moment integrity cracks
They explore the small moments when we feel ourselves slipping out of alignment — and the shame, frustration or numbness that follows.

⏱️ 15:00 - Two reactions, two legacies: the spilt-milk story
Mark shares the now-iconic story: shouting at spilt milk vs meeting it with curiosity. Both reactions came from him - but they come from different versions of him. A metaphor for how quickly we switch into performance.

⏱️ 17:40 - Presence as the antidote to performance
Laura talks about a conversation that shifted entirely because she chose presence instead of rushing. Time, attention and space become acts of truth.

⏱️ 20:20 - Being vs performing
Dan brings in the difference between identity rooted in truth vs identity built for approval. Performance is exhausting; presence is expansive.

⏱️ 23:00 - Family patterns & inherited masks
Mark reflects on how upbringing shapes instinctive behaviour - the performance of politeness, strength, capability - and how it becomes automatic.

⏱️ 27:00 - When we finally stop performing
Laura shares the behind-the-scenes emotional labour of #WomensVoices: the handwritten notes, the courage pins, the 4am wobble - and how choosing heart over performance created genuine impact in the room.

⏱️ 31:55 - Rewriting the internal script
Dan realises he’d been chasing a “big bold legacy” - a performance of significance - and how this conversation helped him shift towards the quieter truth of everyday being.

⏱️ 35:40 - The emotional cost of masking
Laura reflects on the internal erosion that happens when we perform strength instead of honouring truth.

⏱️ 38:25 - Knowing what matters - and refusing to play someone else’s game
Laura shares how she now steps out of dynamics she recognises early, holding her ground and refusing to perform a role that isn’t aligned.

⏱️ 41:10 - Service vs self-erasure
Mark describes supporting men in construction through a mental-health intervention - a reminder that being in service doesn’t mean disappearing yourself.

⏱️ 44:20 - Closing reflections
Laura closes with gratitude for a deeper, rawer conversation. The reminder: stronger together, and truth over performance, always.

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