Enabling - Love In Action Chapter 28

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Enabling - Love In Action Chapter 28
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There can be an artful balance between providing loving support and enabling harmful behavior. If we are acting under the influence of love, most likely we will do the right thing.

When my head comes into the picture along with my loving heart, I find it useful to keep in mind what I'm trying to accomplish, which usually is to help someone to feel cared about, respected and supported as they take their next steps, without encouraging dependency.

As an example, if someone on the street asks me for money to buy food, I might say, "Let's have a meal together instead. My treat." Sometimes the person will reject this because he wanted the money, not the food.

Pope Francis suggests a different approach. As reported in the New York Times (March 3, 2017), the Pope says give money to panhandlers and don't worry about it.
But what if the money is used to buy a glass of wine? If "a glass of wine is the only happiness he has in life, that's O.K. Instead, ask yourself, what do you do on the sly? What 'happiness' do you seek in secret?"

According to the Times, the Pope said:
…the way of giving is as important as the gift. You should not simply drop a bill into a cup and walk away. You must stop, look the person in the eyes, and touch his or her hands. The reason is to preserve dignity, to see another person not as a pathology or a social condition, but as a human, with a life whose value is equal to your own.

I think I understand and appreciate the Pope's perspective. We agree that such an encounter is an opportunity to engage with genuine, nonjudgmental love and respect, and that it's better to give freely than to turn away. There is a transformational opportunity for both parties if there is genuine connection.
Yet I think it's also important to assess whether our intended help is really a good thing for the person. We should not use this concern as an excuse to turn away from the person.

The desire to provide genuine help may require us to understand at a deep level why the person needs help and to address root causes. If we strive to really connect with those in need and to provide life-changing support, our lives may be transformed. This was my path to over 20 years working with homeless people, which was one of the great blessings of my life.


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