Khanqah 72(b): Post-Session Q&As & Comments | سیشن کے بعد سوال اور تبصرے

Описание: "tabdili ke marahil ka ijmali jaiza" ke baad sawal aur tabsare
تبدیلی کے مراحل کا اجمالی جائزہ کے بعد سوال اور تبصرے
Questions and Comments after "Overview of the Four Stages"

#moizamjad #khanqah #transformation

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AI-Generated Description:
The discussion centered on the Integration → Internalization stage of change, especially how over-control can become a problem, along with guidance on habit formation and how to give and receive feedback effectively.

The Facilitator explained that over-control is necessary in the early stages of change, when a person must consciously restrain old instincts. However, once a habit begins to form, continuing to monitor and control every response becomes counterproductive. At the internalization stage, the goal is for behavior to become natural and automatic, much like a skill that no longer requires conscious attention.

It was noted that the integration phase can be long and uneven, with ups and downs, pauses, and restarts. The real danger is giving up, which can turn into intentional avoidance of responsibility. Effort should not be mistaken for failure; persistence itself strengthens character. Participants were advised not to set rigid timelines or compare themselves with others, since each person’s journey and challenges are unique.

The role of perception and motivation was emphasized. Lasting, transformative change requires a strong “why.” When purpose is clear—especially faith-based purpose—effort becomes more meaningful and sustainable. Religious practices, such as fasting, were used as examples of how a shift in perspective can make difficult actions easier to endure.

A major portion of the discussion focused on feedback. The Facilitator outlined a practical method:
1. Collect feedback in its raw form without reacting.
2. Categorize it into themes (e.g., impulsivity, stress, listening).
3. Select one priority area to work on.
4. If overwhelmed, restrict feedback by asking for only one point that could significantly improve life or relationships.

Feedback is important because many weaknesses are blind spots—others notice what we cannot. Discomfort or defensiveness often signals where growth is needed.

For giving feedback, the preferred approach is to describe one’s own emotional experience (“When you said this, I felt…”) rather than accusing or judging. When feedback is unsolicited, it is wise to first understand the other person’s perspective before pointing out an issue.

The balance between honesty and politeness was discussed. Honesty should not be compromised, but it must be delivered with wisdom and tact, gradually and appropriately. Kindness means offering truth in a way the other person can absorb, not overwhelming them.

The session concluded with the idea that feedback should be received through an empowerment lens, not fear. Individuals are responsible for their own peace of mind, free to accept or reject feedback while staying aligned with their core values and goals. Habit formation was described as the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire—all three must be present for lasting change.

Ramadan was highlighted as a valuable training period, encouraging participants to set one clear personal target and work on it with consistency and intention.

Contents:
00:00 The Problem of over control
05:33 Ali's comment
08:04 Some questions about feedback
14:58 Why is others' feedback important?
17:04 Ali's comments
22:12 How to give feedback?
30:08 Ali's comment
35:06 Is it necessary to accept the feedback one gets?
38:04 Ali's comment
39:24 Ms. Shaheen's comments

Moiz Amjad
معز امجد