Ikigai Sakurai - Tribute to Atsushi Sakurai

Описание: Atsushi Sakurai (March 7, 1966 – October 19, 2023)
was the unmistakable voice and soul of the Japanese band BUCK-TICK.
Elegant, mysterious, deeply sensitive — an artist who turned darkness into poetry and pain into beauty.

He grew up in a home overshadowed by his father’s alcoholism and violence. In an interview, Sakurai once said:
“I had a father who was a vicious drunk… As far back as I can remember, that kind of thing repeated before my eyes every day. And that went on until my father’s death — I was eighteen.”
(PHY magazine, 2010)

Witnessing domestic violence left deep scars. He often mentioned the fear and silence that surrounded his childhood, describing how he learned to “stay quiet, to disappear,” so as not to provoke anger. His mother, who endured years of abuse, became the person he silently tried to protect — even as a child.
He later admitted:
“My father beat my mother every day. That memory has never left me. I was scared… I was scared to go home.”

When his father died, Sakurai fell into despair. He confessed:
“After that, my father died. I started drinking every day, drinking until I was cursing and throwing up. I couldn’t go to Tokyo and make music with everyone else. I was stuck at home, more desperate every day.”
(BRIDGE magazine, 1995)

Though he had hated his father, Sakurai later came to understand him — not with forgiveness, but with acceptance. Years later, he reflected quietly:
“Back then, I hated him. Now I know I just couldn’t understand him.”

In contrast, his feelings toward his mother remained filled with tenderness and sorrow. She represented endurance, love, and the beauty born from pain. In one interview, he said:
“People who survive pain and can still love are the strongest ones. My mother was like that.”

These early experiences never left him. They became the emotional core of his lyrics — songs about guilt, death, longing, and the fragility of love. Through his art, he turned trauma into poetry and darkness into beauty.

In his personal life, he was very private. He was briefly married and had one son, but he rarely spoke about his family or romantic relationships. Many said that he could only express his emotions through his music. On stage, he appeared strong and untouchable, but deep down he was a sensitive and vulnerable person, who spent his entire life seeking peace.

From his beginnings in the 1980s to his final concert in 2023, he remained faithful to his unique aesthetic – a blend of romance, darkness, and elusive beauty.
Sakurai was not only a singer but also a poet, philosopher, and visionary.
His lyrics often explored themes of love, death, identity, and freedom – always wrapped in a veil of poetic mystery.

“Maybe it’s true. That’s why I warp myself and feel fear.
What I’m about to say may not sound ethical, but… aren’t there times when you think:
‘It would be easier if I died’?
… Death still terrifies me.
… Being born is frightening, living is frightening too.”
(Interview, 2023)

“Well, I guess I want to transcend gender… I feel like I’m transforming into something else.”

どうして涙が出るの
どうして人は死ぬの
どうして愛してしまうの
答えのないまま...

Why do tears fall from my eyes?
Why do people die?
Why do we end up loving?
And yet, there are no answers...
(Jupiter, 1991)

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