The Blood Moon (Original Composition)

Описание: When I was 16 years old, something so traumatic happened to me that it completely distorted how I viewed myself. Something so traumatic that I've had reoccurring nightmares related to it ever since it happened. Something so traumatic that whenever I started processing it, it sent me into an OCD obsessive episode, and one of the worst I've ever experienced.
I won't go into too much detail about it, because it's one of those memories that is just too personal to share in great detail online. What I can share, however, and what's really important about it, is how it shaped my view of myself.
How can one misunderstanding cause a chain of events that felt so devastating? Is it even really a misunderstanding if the consequences were so severe? I've always blamed myself for what happened in this memory. I think a part of me still does, and I'm still struggling with letting that go. With telling myself that it really wasn't my fault. That I'm not who I labeled myself to be as a result of that, and that I shouldn't be so afraid of being punished in the future over misunderstandings and things out of my control. This debilitating fear of punishment and this label that I've unconsciously put onto myself isn't who I am.
I remember just the sheer, extreme amount of dissociation that was occurring during this memory. I froze. I stood there. It felt like I couldn't even move. I tried to capture that through this song. Trying to portray horrific consequences of something completely outside of my control, and the fear of something like that happening again.

This song was one that I knew I was gonna have to create ever since I started making music to process trauma, but I could never bring myself to do it. But with this recent sonata, my trauma processing led me right to it. All of my songs led to this one, and it was just time to do it.

Almost every song in this sonata has to do with relationships, and how these specific memories affected my friendships and my love life as well, and how I've become terrified of such things. The title of the song itself, "The Blood Moon," is symbolic for our inner shadows. The deepest, darkest parts of ourselves. This song is about one of those deepest, darkest memories. The entire sonata itself is about my darkest memories.

I hope this description makes sense. Processing this one has been very hard, and has had my mind all jumbled. If my words don't explain it accurately, hopefully the music does.