Step 4: Lets Take My Inventory

Описание: I’m working on Step Four for the second time. That means I think about it and procrastinate, because yes, I have a spreadsheet and avoid actually filling it out.

When I list my character defects for Step Four, I’m supposed to focus on the ones I have now that I’m sober. Still, I like to look at what sobriety itself has removed from my life, like lying, recklessness, and insecurity, because it reaffirms my commitment to not picking up a drink. The character flaws that linger, like fear, competitiveness, judgment, and internal conflicts, are the ones I get to bring to my sponsor and into meetings.

As I went through the list today, it was easy to see how drinking had been my attempt to numb fear, anxiety, and depression. Decades of my behavior were rooted in chaos. No wonder I did things I’m ashamed of. I was building my life on a cracked foundation.

In sobriety, I walk toward what scares me instead of avoiding it, and that’s helped me rebuild my self-esteem. I still work every day on doing the next right thing, even if it’s just folding the laundry that’s been sitting there long enough to qualify as a roommate.

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