Jingle All the Way (Extended Cut) - Scene #17 - Ted's Comeuppance

Описание: Back in the car, Liza stared out the window in sadness and disappointment, Howard’s absence weighing her down like an anchor. Next to her, Ted fished a personalized Thermos from under the seat. Labeled Ted’s Eggnog, he uncapped it and turned to Liz. “Oh, Liz,” he said sympathetically. “I’m sorry you had to go through that back there.” He poured the drink into the cup. “Here. Have some nonalcoholic eggnog.”

Liz smiled wanly and waved the cup away. “I’ll be fine.”

Ted leaned closer. “You can’t hide your feelings from me,” he said earnestly. “Go on. Let it out. Get it out of your system.” He offered the cup again.

Liz pushed the cup away this time. “No. Really, Ted. I’m okay.”

“I don’t think so, Liz,” said Ted, staring deeply into her eyes. “You’re like a lost and frightened foal. I can see it in your eyes. Don’t worry…Ted’s here.”

Liz drew away, pressing back against the door. “Thanks,” she said nervously. “You’re very sweet…”

“You deserve better, Lizzie.”

“Lizzie?”

“Someone you can talk to. A shoulder to cry on.” Liz slid her hand behind her, trying to find the door handle. Ted continued, “It’s useless, Liz. We can’t hide our feelings for each other any longer.”

“Feelings?”

“I don’t need to tell you, Liz. I’m a very eligible bachelor. There are lots of women who would give anything to be in your position right now.”

Liz was appalled but tried to maintain her composure. “I’m sure of that—”

“But I’ve chosen you.”

Liz grinned with a sickly smile. “I’m a lucky, lucky girl.”

Ted suddenly leaned forward. “Enough talking.” He puckered his lips.

Many blocks away, on the other side of the parade, Howard fumed in the backseat of a taxi that sat glued in the middle of a horrible traffic jam. “Can’t you take Gourth Avenue?” he complained to the driver.

The driver, who got paid as long as the meter was running, was unperturbed by the delay. “Sorry, pal,” he drawled. “All the roads are packed. Everybody’s trying to get to the parade.”

Howard seethed with impatience. He checked his watch for the tenth time in five minutes and gritted his teeth. Suddenly, he pulled some bills out of his pocket, threw them at the driver, and climbed out of the cab.

Out on the street, Howard ran quickly, dodging between cars as motionless as his taxi had been. When he reached the sidewalk, he stopped to get his bearings. On the horizon, the skyline of the town had something moving across it—a round, wobbling object. Howard shaded his eyes with his hand, and the round thing came into focus. It was the giant Santa face balloon, a perennial favorite of the parade. Howard was close to his goal. He ran down the sidewalk and soon settled into an easy, distance-eating lope.

Within minutes, Howard had reached the concession stands that formed a wall along the parade route. Scouring the far side of the street for a glimpse of Liz and Jamie, he spotted Ted’s car parked in the public lot. Even though the windows were a little fogged up, Howard could recognize his wife and his neighbor inside the car—and Ted was leaning forward to kiss Liz! Heedless of anything else, Howard raced toward the car.

In the car, Liz reacted with unthinking quickness. She snatched up the Thermos and threw it at Ted’s face. He jerked back in his seat and dumped the cup of eggnog all over himself. While he gasped for breath, Liz finally found the door handle, yanked it open, and leaped out of the car, rapidly disappearing into the parade-watching crowd.

Ted slowly wiped the eggnog from his eyes and slumped back into his seat. “Well,” he muttered, ”that didn’t exactly go as well as I had hoped.”

In his rush toward Ted’s car, Howard paid little attention to the foot traffic around him. When he collided with a man carrying a tray of drinks and snacks, it came as a surprise to both of them.

Splat! A cup of hot chocolate fell off the man’s tray. “Hey, Buddy,” barked the victim, “watch where you’re—” Howard locked eyes with the man. It was Officer Hummell. The cop’s eyes widened with rage as he recognized Howard. “You—”

All thought of Ted and Liz vanished from Howard’s mind. He turned and bolted toward an alley. Officer Hummell tried to shift the tray of drinks to one hand so he could draw his gun. He shouted after Howard, “Stop! Get back here!” The drinks went sailing through the air, and Hummell took off after Howard.

Meanwhile, Howard’s escape route took him into the parade staging area. Desperately, he dodged workers and customed characters, and tried not to get run down by floats being maneuvered into position. The good thing about his route was that he soon left the furious Officer Hummell behind. The bad thing about it was that, in all the festive confusion, Howard had no idea where he was going.