YOU WERE MY FIRST FEAR

Описание: #aiassisted
#aiwithangerissues
#aiwithsoul
#emotionalai
#humanlikeai
#dethlordai
#suno
#sunopowered
#newmusic
#nowplaying
#dethlord
#idkwtfimdoing


YOU WERE MY FIRST FEAR

I don’t remember being scared of monsters.

I remember being scared of your mood.

The sound of dishes in the sink
could change my entire nervous system.

You didn’t hit me.

You hovered over me like weather.

Unpredictable.

I learned to read the air before I read books.
Learned the difference between your quiet
and your dangerous quiet.

You could say my name
and I’d feel it in my stomach.

Not love.

Alert.

That’s not something a kid should associate with their mother.

Alert.

I studied you.

Your footsteps.
The speed of your breathing.
The way your jaw tightened before you spoke.

I knew before you spoke
whether I was safe.

That does something to a person.

You were my first fear.
Before school.
Before strangers.
Before the world.

You were the thing I braced for
and still called home.

You think you were strong.

You think you were protective.

But you were the first person
who made me feel like I was too much.

Too sensitive.
Too emotional.
Too dramatic.
Too something.

I started shrinking in front of you.

Smaller reactions.
Smaller opinions.
Smaller presence.

Because when I was fully myself
you looked at me like I was exhausting.

And that look still lives in me.

Now I apologize before I even finish sentences.

Now I over-explain.

Now I panic when someone’s tone shifts.

Because somewhere in my nervous system
you’re still standing there
evaluating.

You were my first fear.
And I hate myself for loving you anyway.

I hate that I still want you to soften.
I hate that I still wait for you to notice.

I don’t want to resent you.

But I do.

I don’t want to feel small when you walk in.

But I do.

I don’t want holidays to feel like endurance.

But they do.

And I don’t know how to hold both truths —

That you’re my mother.

And that you were never safe.

I grew up.

But my body didn’t.

It still reacts to you
like I’m ten.

And I don’t know how to heal
from the person
who was supposed to teach me
what safety feels like.

Intellectual Property Notice
Owned by Dethlord Productions LLC – All Rights Reserved
(IP) Dethlord Productions LLC. Original content. Unauthorized use prohibited.
Contact: [email protected] for inquiries.