Wow you really think I’m that stupid? My eyes are WIDE OPEN as I pray to get my new beginning..

Описание: When somethings happened once, you then fear it will happen again. When I got my first owned flat this dump (now - never used to be) I had so many plans after losing so much time when previously a security guard karate brown and two and sadly a stigmatised health condition sufferer. I’m just lost for words and like I’ve said before - Jimi Hendrix had it totally right saying ‘The only thing I believe in now is Music’

I wonder wethar what happened before will happen again, it seems like I’m seeing things that would suggest that. But like my mum says - you’re just being paranoid.. it’s not ‘the end is nigh its here is my new beginning !’ I hope she’s right.

For the first time after reading on Graphene OS forums people saying they’d received messages booting there phone saying ‘Your device has been corrupted. It cannot be trusted’ and they have to fix it by reflashing the non forcible MDM operating system. And yesterday after being on Graphene for maybe 4 months now, only good times being on the pixel 6 no one knew I had or the IMEI. I’d rather that than my Pixel 10a! As the IMEI is common knowledge thanks to @curryspcworld (guessing there @)

But yesterday after resetting my phone the pixel 7 as I’ve two. For the first time ever I received the ‘Your device HAS BEEN corrupted. It CANNOT be trusted’ message. Reflashed and it’s cool now but I know neither will be cool until I’m away from here or if I get a new pixel or the Motorola or just a tablet knowing 100% that corrupt people don’t know the IMEI. As if they do it’s not a secure or private phone, that simple. Can’t join a dating app, can’t join social media, YouTube blocks your IP when how the hell does it know it? Oh curry’s PC world right. So your no criminal yet have people not wanting you to have a life, hence getting back to church, not as I LOVE JESUS - as I don’t. I don’t believe he even existed, the evidence points to him being fictional. But the people who go and I attended a church in Newport for 14 months age 26. There good people and they’ll stand by you, they won’t let corrupt things happen and turn a blind eye. And all I want is a peaceful new beginning away from bad memories of horrific exs and to play my guitar in the garden of my new yet again owned home. As trying to rent just wasn’t happening. Anyways.. hopefully I’m just a paranoid android. And have seen SO MUCH of it - im well aware I’m mentally unwell. Wasn’t when I moved in here working for 16 months blue tick Instagram part of the music community loving life. Would have bounced back after giving up the job I worked so hard at but that went and then I was in a fight for fairness and to show @instagram yes that really is me in my 50 pound UK passport - I didn’t pay 5000 for a fake one I don’t need too? You also acknowledged it was me for 2 years? How am I now not him? And that was my pleasure my Instagram the job was the job we all do but the IG was my dream. So losing that and the way I lost it even ruining someone else’s life in the process which just wasn’t my fault. Man - as someone with HIV since age 21 I’ve just had the worst 2 years of my life. Which is truly saying something. RIP Mark Lanegan, your not forgotten, short life but damn il never forget you singing ‘So much blood I’m starting to drown’ - never even heard the music you got famous for. But I am you, your me, Layne is me and I’m Layne. I’m Kristen I’m Kurt I’m Chris I’m Chester I’m Baker and I’m worth life. I’m currently not alive I am as dead as can be. If there was a switch which there isn’t, just a noose. If anyone is suicidal call Samaritans there great but there’s truth to the saying they can only help - some, people, they’ll give 100% to everyone but not everyone can be helped when it reaches a certain point. I just want my fresh start after all the things I could mention here - like the c********* and the bent P***** and the things I hate having in my head. The fact of knowing people can choose to do things to intentionally take people down when they’ve done nothing wrong, so they hack and invent things. People, just people. But like I said, once it’s happened to you once, to your amazement, you just want to get away, close to family and not in a city you have nothing at all in not through lack of trying, through others making sure you don’t get help or fit in. If things like what happened today weren’t happening, this wouldn’t have been typed and I wouldn’t be thinking about it. I’m moving (not that far) as everywhere I look I either have the best most painful memories or the worst most painful memories, the most hurtful. It doesn’t leave, like I learnt when I became a qualified counsellor ‘you don’t move on from trauma, you move forward with it’ and I read that age 18 in one of my modules, now I know it’s true as I didn’t then. Life was lovely and perfect and so full of hope and ‘you can have and achieve anything you can think of’ man now I’m dreading what life is going to be like in five years, physically.