How Do You Have Sex as a Shy Person

Описание: Cathy:How do you have sex if you're a shy person? Or awkward?
This is Hunter Riley from manger of Self Serve Toys, and HunterRileySexEducation.com. I'll get it right.

Hunter: Oh no you're good, you've gotten it right every single time.

Cathy: Matie Fricker, owner of Self Serve Toys and SelfServeToys.com. I'm Cathy Vartuli of TheIntimacyDojo.com.

Sex is awkward anyway.

Matie: Yes.

Cathy: It's hard for even the most outgoing person, sometimes, to initiate or handle. If you're shy and awkward, sometimes it seems like it would be easier not to do it at all.

Matie: Right.

Cathy: How do you handle it? What would you recommend?

Hunter: If I'm feeling a little bit shy, or awkward, and it oftentimes happens with new sexual partners, is I'll think to myself, "Okay, would I feel more comfortable ... " Again, I love to give myself options, because then it helps me feel like I'm not cornered. I like to think, "Okay, would I feel more comfortable being on the receiving end, or being on the giving end of something." Then I kind of check in with my partner and say, "Hey, where are you at right now?" I often times will start with nonsexual things like massage, because that helps center me in my body. Then often times you might end up taking off some clothes to get a massage, and then maybe you're all just hanging out naked, right?

Cathy: And then.

Hunter: And then you can kind of navigate it. I'm very awkward in negotiation, like all the time, and I will start talking really fast. Then I'll say, "Okay, I'm feeling awkward," you know? Then I'll keep going. Oftentimes just sort of breaking it down into would it be easier or more enjoyable to receive or give right now? Then checking in with my partner, and then if there is some overlap there, and they're like, "You know, I'm kind of feeling like in a giving mood," and I'm like, "Well that's good, because I'm in a receiving mood. For me that kind of helps just to lay out some options of here are some things that we could try. It could be let's hold hands, let's snuggle, or it could be like, "Yes, let's get that deal going." Do some, the double penetration, again, I'm with that.

Yeah, so for me it's laying out options. That helps me feel a little bit more comfortable, and helps me feel like I have ... Like I can say no to stuff, which of course I always know that I can, but sometimes it feels hard to really embrace that, and embody that. For me giving options to myself, and to my partners, helps me if I 'm feeling a little bit awkward.

Cathy: Yeah, love it.

Matie: Yeah.

Cathy: Thank you.

Matie: Yeah, and sex for me is almost always awkward. Sometimes it's like super hot and amazing, and incredible, and then something weird happens, because bodies are weird. Our bodies make weird sounds, or my body makes a weird sound, and I have to be okay, or the strap on went the wrong direction, and we have to renegotiate. I think just making room for that from the beginning is really important. Checking in a lot about safe words, checking in a lot that it's okay to pause. I personally have a history of sexual assault and trauma, so I will sometimes trigger. When I get into bed with somebody new, that use to be really terrifying for me. That if I ... "Oh my god, what if I trigger? What if that happens?" I'd be more and more awkward because that was going to happen, and how would I handle it?