How To Make The Legendary, Forbidden McDonald's Cheeseburger™

Описание: How to Summon a McDonald's Cheeseburger (From the Depths of the Fry Dimension)
Making the legendary, forbidden McDonald's Cheeseburger™ is laughably easy — assuming you have a culinary degree from Clown College and a soul to sacrifice.
All you need is a few mystical ingredients:
Salt (preferably wept from Ronald’s own pores)
Black pepper (exorcised)
Diced onions (hand-chopped by a crying intern)
Ketchup (the blood of the tomato gods)
American Mustard (yellow chaos in a tube)
Pickles (you’ll need so many pickles)
Ground beef (cow optional)
American Cheese (plastic-inspired)
Cheeseburger Bun (circular gluten altar)
Step 1: Creating the Sacred Beef Disc
In a summoning bowl forged in a fast-food dungeon, add 500 grams of mysterious ground "beef." Whisper incantations.
Season with a blizzard of salt and enough black pepper to make your ancestors sneeze.
Mix furiously until your arms scream.
Roll the meat into a ball of power. Place under enchanted parchment paper. Smack it down with the fury of a thousand drive-thru orders until it’s a 1-inch thick patty of pure destiny. Or make it thicker. Live your truth.
Step 2: The Ritual of Cooking
Summon a pan. Place it upon the flame altar (aka stove) over medium heat. Splash in oil like you’re auditioning for a cooking show in the underworld.
Lay the patty down like it betrayed you.
Cook for 60 seconds. Flip. And now… THE BUTTERING BEGINS.
Add butter.
Add butter.
Add butter.
Add butter.
ADD BUTTER
ADD BUTTER
ADD BUTTER
(also oil)
Stir like you're mixing forbidden soup.
Season with salt. Stir again. Whisper your deepest regrets into the pan.
Once your beef disc is cooked and emotionally broken, remove it from the pan.
Step 3: Building the Burger of Legend
Slice your sacred bread orb in half. Place the beef disc upon it like an offering.
Add:
Salt (again??)
Pepper (yes)
Mustard (swirled with rage)
Ketchup (spiraled with intention)
Onions (to ward off evil)
PICKLES.
Pickles
Pickles
Pickles
Pickles
Pickles.
Add top bun.
But wait.
You forgot the cheese.
Step 4: THE CHEESE STRIKES BACK
Restart your life.
Slice bun.
Add beef.
Add cheese.
Add onion.
Say "Gotcha" seven times fast:
Gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha
Throw in mustard, more pickles, and… was that a Filet-O-Fish??
Now add syrup. Why? You’ll see.
Mix it. With your hands. Like a chaotic potion.
Now the critical step:
Step 5: Shoe-Marination Technique™
Place cheeseburger mixture into your shoes.
Put them on.
Walk for 5 minutes. Preferably through a mall food court.
Take off shoes.
Scoop out one handful of burger-slop from each shoe and lovingly slather it onto the bottom bun.
Add top bun.
Look at it.
Marvel. Tremble.
It looks identical to a McDonald's cheeseburger... if you squint... from across the street... through tears.
Enjoy?
I guess?
Bon appétit, brave soul.
Ronald is watching.