The Underrated Power of Oversharing | Leslie John

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You're probably holding back more than you think — and it's quietly making your relationships shallower, your stress higher, and your life smaller. Harvard Business School professor Leslie John has spent decades studying self-disclosure, and her conclusion is counterintuitive: the problem isn't that we share too much. It's that we share too little.

Leslie John is a professor at Harvard Business School and the author of *Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing*. Her research on trust, disclosure, and negotiation has been published in leading academic journals and applied in executive education worldwide.

In this conversation, Leslie John shares:
Why we consistently overestimate the risks of revealing — and underestimate the costs of staying quiet
What brain scans show happens when we self-disclose (it activates the same pleasure centers as sex)
How to go one layer deeper than small talk to build real connection
The Ben Franklin upgrade: a four-quadrant framework for making better disclosure decisions
Why the "TMI line" is further than you think — and where it actually is
How to say "I feel" and "I need" in a way that actually works in relationships

Leslie also shares the 10-year secret she kept from her own mother — one she only confronted while writing a book about the power of disclosure.

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Timestamps:

0:00:00 Introduction
0:01:00 How Leslie got into studying self-disclosure
0:03:00 The STD study: why we trust revealers over hiders
0:06:00 What brain scans reveal about self-disclosure
0:08:00 Why boys learn to suppress emotions — and the physiological cost
0:12:00 The real problem isn't TMI, it's TLI
0:15:00 The hidden costs of keeping secrets
0:17:00 Why putting feelings into words changes your brain
0:23:00 The disclosure decisions you're making without realizing it
0:30:00 How to go one layer deeper than small talk
0:34:00 Catalyst confessions and the Magic Johnson example
0:51:00 The Ben Franklin upgrade: a 4-quadrant disclosure decision tool
1:00:00 How to give hard feedback (and whether the sandwich actually works)
1:04:00 The emotions wheel and why "I feel" is harder than it sounds
1:07:00 Why "I need" matters as much as "I feel"
1:11:00 Saying "I love you" first — and the top deathbed regret

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#psychology #relationships #mentalhealth

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