How To Avoid Power Struggles With Teens

Описание: How To Avoid Power Struggles With Teens - Hug A Teen
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Isn’t it frustrating seeing how some children simply listen to their parents and do what they’ve been asked, without arguing?

If you’re wondering how to stop these power struggles with your teen, then I might have an answer for you.

I’ve recently been immersing myself in Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Course, and one of the lessons that we’ve implemented seems to be working quite well.

The best way to avoid power struggles with teens is to set a very clear expectation of what you want them to do. Link this to a privilege that will be delayed if not done on time. Then walk away, stay calm, and let them learn from the natural consequences of their choices. By using this technique you’re giving them the power to complete their tasks at the right time.

The 'WHEN-THEN' technique is one of the many tools that Amy teaches in her course.

The 'WHEN', is a very clear instruction as to what you expect them to do. i.e. do your homework.

The 'THEN', is a privilege that they really enjoy, and are entitled to i.e. join your friends at the mall.

You need to state the 'WHEN-THEN', in a calm and clear way, and then walk away.

“WHEN you’ve finished your homework, THEN you can join your friends at the mall.”

By staying calm and walking away, you don’t allow them to get into an argument with you. Which they will obviously try doing at first.

When we first started the 'WHEN-THEN' technique, they would whine or ignore us. But very soon, they realized that we were serious.

We didn’t argue with them. Just stated the facts, and waited for them to do what was asked.

Steps To Avoid Power Struggles With Teens:

1. Give clear direction of what is expected of them. This is usually a chore or task that they need to get done on any given day.

2. Link it to a privilege that will be delayed if the task is not done. The 'THEN' must be something your child truly cares about - soccer, going online, playing with friends.

3. Walk away once you’ve asked them to complete their task. They cannot negotiate and or start an argument if you’re not there. Walking away also allows the child to save face - empowering for them to make their own choices.

4. Use a calm voice and don’t allow yourself to be pulled into a power struggle. Having an attitude of indifference diffuses any possible power struggle.

5. Stay firm and follow through. You have to stay firm. You cannot give in. If they haven’t done what was asked, then don’t take them to the beach to join their friends. Don’t help them to do their chore, or rush to get them there on time. If you do this they will realize that you can be manipulated.

Empowering them to make their own choices and then having to deal with the consequences, teaches a great life lesson. Teens need to understand that there are natural consequences to their choices.

Remember that you cannot control people, including your children, but we can control the situation. This technique provides a motivation to complete the undesirable tasks and includes a built-in consequence for not completing the task.

Also, note that these are not rewards or bribes. You should never reward a child for doing what is normally expected of them (homework, chores, tidying away, etc).

We’re not saying “IF you do this, THEN you get..” By saying 'WHEN', it gives a clear message that you believe that they WILL do it. Saying 'IF' feels like there’s a question or choice to be made.

These are natural consequences, to participating in things they're looking forward to if certain things are or aren’t done on time.

Lastly, it’s important not to let them get extra attention from you by whining and complaining. Try to ignore it. It’s a tough one, as we feel guilt or get upset with their attitude. This is a life lesson that we need to learn, regardless of the situation.

I hope that this has given you something to try at home.

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How To Avoid Power Struggles With Teens - Hug A Teen:
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