Denmark vlog

Описание: I don't blame her for myself being like this, I'm unstable and it's bad and rough and I am happy she's putting herself forward and first and doing that it's what I asked her to do anyway. I'm sad I'm the one that brought that forward, that I'm the one who hurt her so much that she doesn't even want to see me. I'm a mess, I miss my friend, the person who was closer to me than any family or friend I've ever known or had. I still love and adore her and I hope she can be happy, she said we'd play together still but I don't know. This was a trip and visit we had planned months ago, it was important to me, I wanted to see her and spend time with her, now that's gone, now so many things are gone and I'm a mess and can't focus and panic and 101 different things overwhelm me all the time. I don't know why I can't give up on someone who's clearly given up on me, I don't really know who to reach out to anymore, it's a lot and I'm overwhelmed, I'm glad I made this video, I'm glad I documented everything but gods am I hurt so much, she hurt me more with inaction than anything else that could have been done and I'm not mad I'm not disappointed I'm just hurt and limp and don't have the strength to push myself anymore.

"I don't want to be available 24/7, I'm not going to be confiding in you the way that you want, because I'm not comfortable with how you take things and I get the feeling that it's giving you hope of something more than a friendship. I don't feel heard/understood and that's not something you can force, and I'm also not in lack of working that out with others. Right now I just want you to focus on you and to let me focus on me - I'm getting help, you can't help me with what I need.
Calling me/writing me on my personal phone is a step over my boundary. I'm not comfortable with this right now at all"
Those are the words forever on my phone screen now, a reminder that I can't even claim the title of friend anymore. That she is moving on with her life and I'm falling behind, that she isn't someone who I can ask for anything anymore. That the person I was so close with is reclaiming her space and I'm terribly ill-equipped to even take those steps, that all the effort I put in and want to show may as well be background noise to the person I want to see it the most. I've learnt to actually let myself feel sad, I've figured out where I stand, and every day the sole regret I have is losing her. I wish I could move on as easily as she seemingly has, I can't focus on anything negative, I have no hatred towards her in the slightest, and I don't want to say goodbye to her forever. If I did that I'd just be doing it out of fear again like I did when I dumped her, I don't want to bother her, I don't know how to talk to her, it hurts to want to share things with someone still every little joy you have and be told she doesn't want that. My happiness is quickly replaced by anxiety at knowing she's gone. Where do I stand? Where does she want me to stand? The uncertainty is killing me, It's hurting me. I'm so sorry for everything.

Music (in order):
Boa - Duvet    • Bôa -  Duvet (Official Video)  
YIIK - The mind Dungeon theme (Baiyon remix)    • YIIK (OST) - The Mind Dungeon Theme (Baiyo...  
NateWantsToBattle - Here comes a thought (Cover)    • Steven Universe - Here Comes a Thought【Nat...  
First of October - Do you want to    • Do You Want To?  
Snail's house - Valentine's day    • Snail's House - valentine night  
Rift of the Necrodancer - Elsuional    • Rift of the NecroDancer OST - Elusional by...  
Frog96 - The ghost of words is looking through the window    • ことばのおばけがまどからみている／重音テト  
Ichika Nito - Farewell    • farewell  
Lisa the Painful - Boy oh Boy    • LISA: The Painful OST - Boy Oh Boy  
Stef Lynn - Like Giants    • Like Giants  
Gorillaz - Desole    • Gorillaz - Désolé ft. Fatoumata Diawara (O...  
Deco*27 - 宇宙散歩 Instrumental (It's Cosmic Rendezvous and here's the track with lyrics    • DECO*27 - 宇宙散歩 feat. 初音ミク  )
Euph - To the North Star    • To the north star (demo)  

0:00 - Intro
0:20 - Talking section
2:32 - Montage day 1
7:59 - Talking some more
10:33 - Montage day 2
13:54 - Let's recap
19:24 - Montage day 3
27:23 - Unironically my favourite part
29:02 - Montage continued
32:10 - Final recap
36:24 - Poem to go