The One About Repair ❤️‍🩹🫂

Описание: If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey.

In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it.

We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous system is convinced that conflict equals danger. This isn’t about fixing everything perfectly or tying things up with a bow. It’s about starting, staying present, and choosing connection even when you’re scared.

From there, we unpack:
Why repair doesn’t mean “everything is fixed now”
Why starting matters more than finishing
How uncertainty is anxiety’s worst nightmare (and still unavoidable)
What it looks like to live your values instead of just talking about them
Why doing the messy, uncomfortable thing is often the most ethical choice

Plus: fragrances, phone maximalism, dairy-free Boursin supremacy, Hobby Lobby slander, and letting your inner toddler run the show occasionally.

This episode is for anyone who:
Never saw repair modeled growing up
Feels terrified of conflict but longs for deeper connection
Thinks they’re “bad at relationships” when really they were just never taught
Is learning how to do hard things scared, tender, and imperfect

Repair isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. And it isn’t always possible. But when it IS possible? Even if it’s messy, it can be powerful as hell.

We talk about:
00:00 – Welcome back, sleep deprivation, and why we sound unhinged
01:30 – Why we chose repair as today’s topic (and why it’s personal)
03:00 – Emerson on conflict avoidance, repair not being modeled, and inner-child witnessing
05:00 – Anxiety, uncertainty, and why “not knowing how this ends” is brutal
07:30 – Living your values vs. performing them
10:00 – Tea & Crumpets: fragrance recs, phone maximalism, and inner toddler joy
15:00 – Food opinions we feel unreasonably strong about
18:00 – Why repair isn’t about blame, villains, or being “right”
22:00 – Val’s tower moment: things falling apart to rebuild stronger
26:00 – Starting repair without knowing the outcome
30:00 – Why doing the messy thing is the work
34:00 – Repair when it’s possible—and when it’s not
38:00 – Final reflections: doing hard things scared, together

Connect with Us:
Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected]
But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
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The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
Val on IG: @valkaymartin
The Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co

DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.