What If My Partner LIED About The Past? | Retroactive Jealousy

Описание: My Partner LIED About The Past! | OVERCOME Retroactive Jealousy

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In this video I will share with you what steps I would personally take if I found out that my partner had been lying about their sexual past. This situation can go one of two ways and the ball is in your court. You can decide that this is something that sets your relationship back or you can use this as fuel to make your relationship even stronger!

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Hey everyone its Matt and welcome back to another video on overcoming retroactive jealousy. In this video I’ll be discussing something that has been requested quite a bit amongst the viewers and subscribers of this channel….. what do you do If your partner lied about the past…… what happens when you think you know what happened in their past…. But maybe they weren’t fully truthful when they told you…. Now you found out… so not only does the lie bother you… but the thought of this new found discovery about their sexual past bothers you too! Now the stuff I’ll be addressing in this video just deals with retroactive jealousy… not cheating partners… not lies like… oh I have a kid you don’t know about. Not lies like oh I have a criminal background… or my name is not really matt…its sheldon…None of that… Im sure there are other channels out there for that. This video will deal with ex partners and sexual encounters before you met that they weren’t truthful about. So maybe they said they had 3 previous partners but you find out they actually had 5. Or maybe you thought they were good friends with someone and they said oh yes we are just friends but then you found out they actually had a history… things like that!
So its very understandable that the moment you find out about this lie… its going to hurt. It ain’t gonna feel good. You are probably going to feel betrayed a little… and on top of that you’ll probably feel that highly charged anxious response. Now before we get angry and lose your temper and start doing all these compulsive behaviors… you need to ask yourself.. is this lie… is it a deal breaker? If you knew about this before you started dating them… would it make you NOT want to be with them? Set your RJ aside… set your highly charged emotions aside… and ask yourself if this really would make you not want to be with them.. In most cases the people that I’ve worked with its not a deal breaker… But for instance if maybe you follow a religion where you aren’t suppose to have sex before marriage and you meet someone who says they haven’t… and then after you’re married they tell you they had several one night stands and sexual encounters….and thats really against your values… then it could very well be a deal breaker for you. But spoiler alert… 99.9999% of the time… The Thing their partner lied about… isn’t a big deal. Again it might feel like a BIG deal at first because you have a lot of emotions going on… but in the grand scheme of things.. its not that big of deal… The Fact that your partner lied about something in the past shows that they probably Didn’t want to hurt you… they probably aren’t proud of it… they might very well feel ashamed of it… and honestly they Probably didn’t want to bring it up because it has nothing to do with the present moment whatsoever. To be honest… they knew it probably didn’t matter if you knew or not. Now that might not be the greatest thing in the world to hear especially if YOU have been honest with them about your whole past. But again you cannot side with these angry and betrayed emotions. You have to dig down and find some compassion. Remember this person is the one you love. We all make mistakes. And it’s time to swallow your pride… shut off your ego… and practice forgiveness. Allow this moment to be something that makes your relationship STRONGER not something that holds you guys back. Think about your own life… have you ever lied before? im sure you have… and why did you lie that time that you lied… or hundreds of times that you lied? Chances are to avoid a reaction… to avoid feeling fear… to avoid feeling judged… more than likely it was nothing more than just that. So again this idea of your partner lying about their past really isn’t that big of deal when you really try to understand it. When you don’t play this victim game and look at It in very rational terms. They probably didn’t tell you the full truth because they were worried about being judged and they wanted to leave this stuff in the past. That still doesn’t make it 100% ok per se...