The Campaign to Delete Our History

Описание: Australia has a problem with historical names. The weather map shown on screen is from our second-favourite taxpayer broadcaster. “SBS World News introduces First Nations place names in nightly national weather forecast.” It’s odd; they use Aboriginal place names, but they continue to use degrees Celsius—a scientific temperature scale invented by Europeans. Not to mention, they broadcast this mishmash of contradictions on television and the internet—technology also invented by Europeans—so I’m not exactly sure what SBS’s point is.

Another example of naming revisionism: a famous cheese brand now known as Cheer Cheese used to be called—well, I can’t say it. As you can see on screen, it starts with a ‘C’, ends in an ‘N’, and has two smiley faces in between. The last time I said it, my channel was demonetised. What a joke of a world we live in where we can’t say historical facts because, you know, someone might get upset.

But another word that is causing issues in Australia—and starts with C-O-O—is ‘Cook’, as in Captain James Cook. When I was a kid, he was celebrated as a hero. In 2026, though, he seems to have become the villain.

Thank you to the viewers who sent a lot of this information in. According to The Guardian last year: “Captain Cook memorial will not return to Melbourne park after repeated vandalism.” Basically, the Yarra Council decided it was too expensive to repair the ongoing damage, effectively rewarding the vandals. The council report described the memorial as being of “little or no significance” and said conservation work should be prioritised elsewhere. It noted the memorial was “contentious within the community and Cook is a contested figure in relation to First Peoples.”

Of course, this sort of criminality in the name of “activism” goes on and on. The Guardian reported: “Captain Cook statue outside Melbourne’s Cook’s Cottage toppled amid spate of attacks.” SBS: “‘The colony will fall’: Melbourne Captain Cook statue cut down.”

Poor Captain Cook was just doing his mission. It’s worth remembering that his was a dual-purpose scientific and naval expedition; by the standards of his time, he was a man of science and discovery. And yet, more than 246 years after his death, he’s under constant attack from people who seem to think that erasing history will somehow make their lives better. It’s misguided at best.

In 2020, James Cook University named their Townsville campus Bebegu Yumba, which apparently means “Place of Learning” in the local Aboriginal language. Why? I don’t know… maybe to atone for the ‘sin’ of their own ‘colonialist’ name?

The new name was a real hit. In 2022, the ABC reported: “130 jobs to go at James Cook University as student numbers plunge.” Sorry, ignore that one.

In 2023, the ABC: “James Cook University staff reveal stress, lack of confidence in management after job cuts.” The Guardian: “Students launch class action against James Cook University…” Sorry, just ignore both of those.

In 2024, The Australian reported: “James Cook University admits to underpaying thousands of staff.” The Cairns Post: “JCU to axe more jobs in response to major ‘financial challenges’.” You should probably ignore those too.

There must be some cause for all this misfortune. I know—it must be the name! Last week, the headlines read: “James Cook Uni slammed over name change committee.” Yes, the university quietly set up a committee to handle a possible name change of the institution.

Queensland Education Minister John-Paul Langbroek said: “We think Australians and Queenslanders are tired of this historical revisiting of issues that have helped to make us the country and the state that we are. James Cook is a revered Englishman and explorer after whom the university is named. And Queenslanders and Australians don’t want to see—I think in majority—don’t want to see this type of historical revisionism.”

To be fair to the university, they did release a statement: “Recent media reporting has mischaracterised the status and nature of James Cook University’s governance arrangements in relation to its institutional name. The University is not currently reviewing, proposing, or pursuing a change to its name. As part of responsible and effective governance, the University Council has established a reference committee to develop high-level principles and process guidance that would apply if, at some future point, Council were ever to consider such a matter.”

Okay, so they’re not planning to change the name now. They’ve just built the gallows and greased the rope, but promise they have no current plans to pull the lever. So never fear! James Cook statues may be under attack, but his name lives on at the university—well, until the activists decide that the mere sight of his name is enough to cause a university-wide historical ‘trauma’ that only a multi-million dollar rebranding can cure.

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Allégro by Emmit Fenn