Yelling at Work: How to Handle It

Описание: Getting yelled at, it’s just a really bad experience. I know if someone is yelling at me, I start feeling very angry and I want to yell back. But, hindsight being 20/20, I’ve found that yelling back is never the right answer. It only accelerates the problem, the argument, whatever is going on, it’s not going to get better with two people freaking out rather than just one.

The yeller is freaking out because they don’t feel in control and they so desperately want to. But what the yeller doesn’t want you to recognize is the fact that yelling is a sign of weakness. Yelling is your invitation to take control of the situation and de-escalate it. If they’re yelling and you’re not, guess who is actually in control. You.

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The other day, I had the extreme displeasure of overhearing a phone call where somebody was absolutely laying into a customer service representative. Screaming at them that they BETTER put their supervisor on the phone, that their service ISN’T acceptable, and that they had BETTER fix their problem, as if this customer service rep was the person responsible for digging up the street and installing the fiber optic connections.

That got me thinking about how that customer service rep is a person just like any of us, who needs the tools necessary to handle a situation like that. Not just the tools needed to feel okay getting yelled at and not take it all so personally, but the tools necessary to take control in that situation, and defuse it, rather than ... blow it up.

But just so we’re clear, this video’s advice is presented in the context of something similar to a work setting. If a person walks up to you on the street and just starts screaming at you, just remove yourself from that situation, and don’t stir it up. This is specifically for if someone is yelling at you - if someone is angry at you but expressing themselves in a more collected way than just yelling, then that is a larger situation to be dissected. The kind of scenario we’re talking about is like how I overheard this person berating a customer service representative, or maybe you have a coworker or relative who is prone to outbursts. The person yelling at you might be a person that you need to maintain a relationship with. You might not be able to go scorched earth and burn your bridge with them, so we need to figure out how to de-escalate those scenarios. We’ve all been yelled at before, and we all know it’s terrible, so lets find out how we can handle those situations.

First thing you’ve got to recognize is that yelling is just a dynamic of the human voice. That’s all it is, is that they turned up their volume knob. It doesn’t make what they say any more or less valid. What the yelling tells you about the yeller is that they feel a lack of control, they feel frustrated, they feel fear. They feel multiple weak emotions in a big way, and they’re having a hard time expressing themselves. Odds are that the yeller is not thinking through their statements, they’re using simple language, perhaps they’re repeating themselves a lot, and they’ve lost the ability to say what they want, so they’re saying what they CAN, just loudly. Yelling can be a red flag that the person needs some form of assistance. They’re yelling because they don’t know what to do - they’re yelling because they want to be heard. So if you think about it in this way, a person yelling is actually a person asking for help. Asking for assistance, asking for control.

I’ve made this little list - it’s a three step process that you can go through in your mind when you want to take control in a situation where you have someone yelling at you and you want to de-escalate the situation.

You’ll notice that this list is a set of procedures that happens nearly entirely in your mind. Only the last step is to react. So when you’re dealing with a yeller, take your time to be very sure of your words and actions, because a misstep might lead to escalation rather than de-escalation.