Building Your Capacity for Love

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Want to leave a question? Call 866-357-5156

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore why intimacy feels natural for some people but terrifying for others, how your nervous system creates a set point for closeness and distance, and what you can do to gently expand your capacity for love and connection. Whether you're celebrating Valentine's Day or dreading it, if you struggle with letting people get close, fear of intimacy, emotional vulnerability, avoidant attachment patterns, relationship anxiety, or feel confused why healthy relationships still feel unsafe despite wanting love, this conversation reveals how your nervous system shapes your ability to connect deeply with others.

Through exploring common intimacy struggles—feeling terrified when someone gets close, being able to connect but not sustain intimacy, pushing away partners who love you, or cycling between craving and avoiding closeness—Jeffrey explains why this isn't about commitment issues or being broken. It's about nervous system set points, learned safety patterns, and how early experiences and attachment trauma taught your body that closeness means danger.

As Jeffrey explains, everyone has a set point for how close they can comfortably get to another person. Some people build bridges easily. Others are shy, hesitant to reach toward someone else. This isn't a character flaw—it's learned nervous system programming that can change through somatic healing and body-based approaches rather than willpower alone.

Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email [email protected].

Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links

The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.