AP Ticker's [Scrapple News] Food Shortage

Описание: June 20, 2012.

Hello friends, AP Ticker here with this week's Scrapple News.
Our top story: your big fat ass is threatening the survival of the human race.
According to scientists for the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, the world is in danger of running out of food if something isn't done about the obesity crisis. It comes as no shock that Americans take the prize for Fattest Country of the Western World: in fact, 75% of us are overweight.

The world's adult population weighs nearly 290 million tons. 15 million of these tons are due to being overweight and 3.5 million is due to being an obese whale of a human being, shoving hamburgers down your throats like there's no tomorrow. And there won't be if you keep eating like that.

On the other hand, there's nothing I can do to stop you from being a slovenly wretch, so why not wash down the shame with a delicious beer from the Philadelphia Brewing Company. It's the beer to drink while learning about corruption at the PA Liquor Control Board.

Yes, the PLCB scourge of Pennsie's drinkers and consumers seems to have a little problem with ethics. A new report from the state's inspector general reveals that CEO Joe Conti, board member Patrick J. "P.J." Stapleton III, and marketing director James Short accepted all sorts of gifts and favors, including wine and tickets to sporting events, from vendors and other interested parties. The report also pointedly remarks that the state Ethics Act prohibits LCB officials from using their positions to for personal benefit. In fact, PA's liquor law makes it a felony for LCB employees and their relatives to receive gifts from vendors.

The gifts included about $1,700 worth of alcohol for an event, golf outings for Stapleton at Arominik, soccer games as guests of the Philadelphia Union, and Phillies games.

So think about THAT next time you're paying $20.00 for a sixpack of Yuengling.

Here's some news about my favorite group of local jagg-offs, The Philadelphia Parking Authority. The PPA regularly sells confiscated four-wheelers and dirt bikes at public auctions; which is great except for one thing: they're illegal to ride in the city. Not only that, but Philadelphia police have a no-pursuit policy on chasing them down within city limits. This makes sense because dirt bikes and four-wheelers can easily maneuver in and out of traffic or veer off onto paths too small for police cruisers to follow. And while everyone loves a high-speed car chase, nobody wants our streets to turn into a scene from a Michael Bay movie. So let me get this straight; police confiscate these illegal vehicles, hand them over to the PPA, and the PPA sells them back to the public at a discounted price, so they wind up back on the streets where the police can't stop them. Well that's just as stupid as... confiscating illegal vehicles, selling them back to the public at a discount, and letting them loose on the streets where police can't stop them. I can't think of a better analogy than that because it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If police confiscate a truck load of illegal firearms or narcotics, they don't sell them back to the public for police to track down again later; they destroy them. Maybe that's the solution here. I know it's hard for the PPA to do anything that isn't lazy, abusive, or all together stupid, but it's worth considering, don't you think?

I'm AP Ticker...and I don't have an tagline this week.

Scrapple TV is written by:
Brendan Skwire
Scott Colan
Steve Galley