How to be devotional to your partner's nervous system?

Описание: Whenever I find myself in a heated conversation with Melissa, I try to make a point to really listen and attune to what she’s feeling. One of the easiest ways for me to do that is by simply asking her what she’s feeling right now instead of assuming based on what she’s saying.

In the heat of the moment, it’s natural for any of us to present our perspectives, judgments, and predictions as if they’re emotions. When that happens, I’ll acknowledge what she’s shared and gently ask,
“I hear all that. And I’m also curious, what are you feeling right now?”

When she really starts to consider that question, things usually begin to slow down. Sometimes she doesn’t know what she’s feeling yet and I make sure she knows that’s totally okay.

If we’re not fully connected to what we’re feeling, those emotions often leak into our communication in ways that are unproductive or unintentional.

That’s why the best thing we can do in those moments is to pause, slow down, connect physically, or take some space if needed.

If we want to be devotional to our partner’s nervous system, we have to attune to it first.

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