I don't recognize myself anymore - Sad/Chill mix

Описание: "What a marvelous feeling it would be, if we could say exactly how we felt. What a monumental victory. What a terrifying thought."
-- Akif Kichloo


Hey guys, hope you had a great new years and hope you are motivated too for this new years. The songs included in this mix, they just give me this calming vibe that makes me want to sit by myself, stare into the sky, and just stare at it. Not thinking or feeling. Just Escaping. Releasing myself from that chaos that sometimes my mind is.
I'm very conflicted with myself right now. I'm better, emotionally speaking, I don't feel like I used to, hopeless, numb, miserable. Now, I feel at ease, everything is peaceful and normal. But I can't help but feel uncomfortable in this new feeling. I have come to notice that I don't feel good being happy, or peaceful or aware that everything is better in my life. I don't know how to "be", how to live like this, its just so uncomfortable, I feel anxious and out of place.

And I feel like I'm ungrateful for feeling like this. When I was in that dark place, I couldn't help but crave peacefulness, crave normality. But now that I have it, I want to feel bad again, to feel hopeless and lost. It's addicting the comfort that brings me, I don't depend on anyone and no one depends on me. Maybe I'll always be more comfortable in chaos, and I can't help but feel like shit for it. Maybe it's because I know this feeling won't last, and I know that hoping it would, isn't worth it.

I just don't feel like myself. But in reality, from a long time ago, I don't really know who I really am anymore.


0:00 Behind my eyes - dormio(Slowed)
2:21 Remnants of departed days - Owsey(slowed)
6:18 Reflection - at the end of the day(slowed)
10:31 Thinking about you - keepitinside(Slowed)
13:39 Snowflakes - Jay-Lounge(Slowed)
17:43 Dark - Mixed Matches(Slowed)
20:44 All Gone (The promise) - Gustavo Santaolalla
24:48 Manifest - Hazy(Slowed)