Laplus builds her very own house with only minimal divine intervention (ft. Iroha)

Описание: hololive's Laplus Darknesss and Kazama Iroha play Minecraft.

Original stream:    • 【Minecraft】新ホロ鯖に吾輩家建てるよ！なんか透明人間が助けてくれるっぽいけ...  

‪@LaplusDarknesss‬ ‪@kazamairoha‬

A recent beneficiary of the Failing Business Prevention Act of 2023, holoX Secret Society found themselves flush with cash in the form of a government-provided lump sum that was supposed to go toward renovations. Of course, they shaved a little off the top to splurge on food. Maybe one could argue that the 85” Whirling Dervish Pizza with all (and I mean ALL) the toppings was a little unnecessary, especially seeing as the five of them picked the box clean within fifteen minutes. But who could fault these hard-done-by five if they had a Jacuzzi or two installed in the janitor’s closet (much to the chagrin of the janitor, who hated baths, bubbly or otherwise)? After bathing for so long in the communal kitchen sink, surely the Minister of Finance would not balk at the installation of a few hot tubs?

Well, as it turned out, that’s exactly what they did. A week or two after receiving the money, Agent Darknesss, while sitting pretty in her unicorn-themed inner tube, enjoying a warm soak in one of the aforementioned Jacuzzis, felt the sharp slap of the broadside of an envelope across her cheek, knocking her star-shaped glasses clean off her face and causing her to choke on the grape juice she had been pounding back through a crazy straw.

“Bluh!” she coughed. “What the hell was that for?”

“What was that for?” echoed Majordomo Kazama, Master Practitioner of Ninjutsu and the Fakest of Samurai, as she held the envelope between her second and first finger like a throwing star. “You want to know what that was for?”

Moments prior, Agent Darknesss had been very keen on hearing the motive behind this unprovoked assault while she had been enjoying the water. Now, she thought it better to let it slide. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“You bet your goddamn gozaru I have my reasons! Do you know what this is?” She flapped the envelope menacingly.

Agent Darknesss winced. She knew she was bad at answering questions. Still, she had to try. “An envelope?”

Kazama glared at her as if she had said tanukis were nothing but overweight brown raccoons. “This, Laplus, is an audit.”

“Oh, an audit. That was gonna be my second guess.”

“You don’t know what an audit is, do you?”

“No.”

“It’s when the government pokes around in your financials and makes sure your money is commensurate with your income and is flowing through the proper taxable channels.”

Laplus, who knew some of those words, said, “So? Let them poke. We don’t have much money left to fondle, anyway.”

“That’s exactly it. We should have lots of money left. And the money that had been spent should have been spent on renovations, not hot tubs.”

“Renovations?” said Laplus, snorting. “This place is in tip top shape. It’s the government’s fault for sending us money for which we had no proper usag—”

Before she could finish, a portion of the ceiling caved in, dropping one-hundred-and-twenty-seven rats into the hot tub. After patiently waiting for the vermin to vacate the pool, more out of shock than bravado, Laplus said, “Okay, maybe the hot tubs were not a priority. But I don’t see why you’ve come to me with this.”

“Because, my sweet demon child, the hot tubs were your idea.”

“You can’t prove that in a court of law,” said Laplus, trying to doggy paddle to the edge of the tub but getting nowhere against the sub-aquatic water-jets.

“You’re right, I can’t,” said Kazama. Something about the way she spoke suggested to Laplus that more was to follow, and what was to follow was bad news for her. “But these purchase receipts, signed by you, for two ‘Fizzmaster-5000 Personal Jacuzzi Units’ can.”



The day the repo truck pulled up to the holoX Secret Society Headquarters was the saddest day of Laplus’ life. It was remarked by the others that no funeral they had attended or heard of could compete with the weeping exhibited by Laplus when the last Jacuzzi was packed up and repossessed. With the refund from the two tubs, they took her out for ice cream, and, after a few waffle cones, she soon forgot about the whole thing.


https://ko-fi.com/leifmaplesson