Women! Marriage Advice That Actually Changes Things

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So much marriage advice for women focuses on what to say or do differently—without addressing the emotional safety underneath it all. In this video, I share a different approach: one that helps you shift the dynamic without attacking, over-explaining, or taking on responsibility that isn’t yours. Real change doesn’t come from “winning” conversations—it comes from creating connection first.

We start with a crucial reframe: it’s not you versus your spouse, it’s both of you versus the problem. When your partner gets defensive, it’s often not because they don’t care—it’s because they do, and they’re protecting themselves from shame. Leading with a “we’re on the same team” energy helps lower defenses and rebuild emotional safety before jumping into problem-solving. From there, curiosity works far better than blame.

I also talk about why over-explaining often backfires. Many women are taught that their needs have to be justified, analyzed, or backed up with patterns to be valid. But when feedback turns into global explanations or pattern-tracking, it can land as criticism instead of connection. Learning how to speak from your own experience—without minimizing or over-defending yourself—changes how you’re heard.

We’ll look at caretaking and resentment, especially the trap of taking on roles no one asked you to take on and then feeling hurt when it isn’t reciprocated. Giving isn’t the problem—unspoken expectations are. Your marriage isn’t meant to reparent you, and clarity beats covert agreements every time.

Finally, we cover boundaries and the mental load—both external boundaries (like saying no or buying yourself time) and internal ones (like stopping the habit of crossing your own limits to avoid discomfort). I also talk about how to address the mental load without blame, so it becomes a shared understanding instead of another fight.

If you’re tired of trying harder and still feeling stuck, this video is for you.

1 - It's you and them against the problem not you versus them.

2 - Focus on what is going right (move out of blame).

3 - Do not take on a role that nobody asked you to take on and then hold resentment about it.

4 - know how to hold boundaries

5 - Talk about the mental load, not in blaming ways

Monika Hoyt, LICSW | Monika Hoyt helps couples and individuals whose marriages are on the brink transform their relationships from the inside-out. She focuses on changing limiting beliefs, building emotional connection, and getting on the same team for life.

This channel covers topics like how to trust in a relationship, how to deal with narcissistic personality disorder or emotional abuse in relationships, and how to prevent divorce.

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