The Life Destroying Role Of The Family Scapegoat

Описание: Mark Smith discusses perhaps the most destructive dysfunctional family role - the Scapegoat. He is dedicating this video to the loving memory of his late sister, Renda, who played the scapegoat role in the Smith family system.

Mark E. Smith, MSW is the Founder and Director of Family Tree Life Coaching. He previously worked as a highly respected therapist and author in the Indianapolis area for 32+ years. He now practices as a Life and Relationship Coach. He offers coaching for individuals, couples, families, family businesses, executive leaders, pastors, and therapists. He has world class coaching expertise in Affair Recovery, Relationship Issues, Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, Sexual Addiction, Abuse, Trauma, Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Mid-Life Issues, Shame and Abandonment Issues. If you need a safe, courageous, cutting, marriage-jolting healer, he is your guy. You can contact Mark Smith at [email protected] and 317-507-8866.

3rd in the Series
I am dedicating this video to my late sister, Renda – from golden child to scapegoat when she had to be in Sammy’s classroom
Birth Order – usually 2nd but not always
Kat’s Corner
She choose drugs and I choose Jesus
The added weight of Bi-Polar Disorder
Worked in a hospital cafeteria verses the 4 siblings ahead of her
Early Death March of 2008
A good marriage to a hard working empath and two amazing kids

Dysfunctional Family Roles — Out of the Storm

“In an NPD family, The Scapegoat, or the no good child is the recipient of the narcissist's negative projections. They can never do anything right. The name 'rebel' implies that the child has chosen this role, which is debatable. (The role chose them.) The Scapegoat is usually victim of emotional and physical abuse by the narcissistic parent.”

Leanne Chapman ‘Step Out Of The Scapegoat Role’

“Did you know the word ‘scapegoat’ came originally from a ceremonial practice where a goat was sacrificed for the sins of the people, and another goat was then loaded up symbolically with these sins and sent out into the wilderness alone to perish. The goats themselves were considered pure, and the shame and sin of the people were transferred on to these innocent creatures to carry.

There are many innocents who carry the blame for others. It allows groups of people, families or whole nations to project their own prejudices and aggression away from themselves. It’s a very painful role to play, however family therapists believe the scapegoat is often the healthiest family member because they aren’t complicit in denying the dysfunction.” In other words they know how fucked up the family is! As a family hero/lost child religious addict I was buffered from feeling my pain.


Andrea Mathews - Traversing the Inner Terrain Blog - The Scapegoat Identity

As that child grows he will encounter more and more of the world, but will come from the same exact dynamic established at home. Why, because he has identified with this way of interacting. She thinks it's who she is. She is the guilty one. The one who must constantly take responsibility for others emotions and "sins" because this is just what she does. She cares a great deal for others--as a natural part of her authenticity--but this caring has been contorted, by this defined identity, into carrying.

So now, this child, whose gift it was to be empathic, has now been cursed. She will not use her empathy as recognition of what others are feeling, and the ability to mirror that back to them so that they can then use that information for their own growth. She will use her gift of empathy to carry other's burdens of guilt, responsibility and emotion. And in so doing, she will somehow prove to herself that she is not the bad person she senses that she is.

This sense of unworthiness carried deep within and below every good deed done by the Scapegoat originates from having carried the guilt and responsibility for others' "sins." This child has taken on these "wrongs" and "sins" as if they should, indeed, belong to her. And she feels this sense of wrongness as if it actually defines her. She is now, officially the Scapegoat--for he has taken the "sins" of others away.