Why “Being Nice” Is Ruining Your Life | George Saunders

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Stop settling for "niceness" and start practicing wise compassion. George Saunders joins Dan Harris to reveal how people-pleasing is a "lavish jailing" of the mind.

In this profound and often hilarious conversation, Dan Harris sits down with Booker Prize-winning author George Saunders to discuss his latest novel, Vigil (released January 27, 2026). Beyond the literary craft, they dive into the heart of Buddhist psychology to address why our cultural obsession with "being nice" often sabotages our spiritual and personal growth.

Saunders argues that true kindness—or "Wise Compassion"—requires the courage to be "fierce" and "truthful" rather than merely agreeable. They explore the "bardo" states of everyday life, the dread of mortality, and the specific mental tools Saunders uses to navigate "stuckness" through a process he calls "warm metacognition".

In this episode, you will discover:
• The "Nice" Trap: Why performative agreeability is often a form of "Idiot Compassion" that enables harm.
• Love Your Worst Enemy: How recognizing the "inevitability" of someone's actions can become your greatest strategic superpower.
• Warm Metacognition: A practical, step-by-step technique for talking to your own mind during moments of self-criticism.
• The moment of death: What Buddhist cosmology teaches us about the quality of our minds and the state of the "bardo".
• Chekhov as a "Reconsideration Machine": How great literature prepares the mind for tenderness and non-judgment.

About George Saunders:
George Saunders is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of thirteen books, including Lincoln in the Bardo and Tenth of December. He is a professor in the Creative Writing program at Syracuse University and host of the popular Story Club on Substack.

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Timestamps:
Introducing George Saunders & Vigil 00:00
What Vigil Is About (Without Spoilers) 01:00
Why Ghosts Keep Appearing in Saunders’ Work 02:10
Mortality Dread: Why Every Minute Matters 04:00
Buddhist Cosmology & the Moment of Death 06:55
What Actually Happens When We Die? 09:30
The Jail of the Mind: Self-Deception & Delusion 12:40
Writing a “Bad Person” From the Inside 15:45
Creative Stuckness & How Writers Break Through It 18:00
“Warm Metacognition” as a Life Skill 21:00
Good Intention vs Phoning It In 27:30
Empathy for the Enemy 32:45
Idiot Compassion vs Real Compassion 38:30
Why Stretching Yourself Matters as You Age 59:30