daily drawing practice | 82 | i hate myself

Описание: THEY DO NOT HAVE STICK LEGS!! I WAS TRYING TO GET A PERSPECTIVE THAT WAS ABOVE THEM. whatever i suck who wouldve guessed. the memory is still a little cooked, idk why. im probably never gonna fix it.

yknow i hated school right. ive graduated, but im still unhappy. being around my parents so much made me realise that they really should get divorced or something. they clash and fight about every little thing, it has genuinely made me wonder why they ever got together. i know it's really disrespectful to say this about those that have taken care of me so long, but i will do some self harm or hate myself or something to make up for it. do not worry haha. still, my little brothers must also be tired of it. im tired. i can sleep however long i want, since im pretty sure my job application was rejected. who wouldve thought that they would reject a retard like me. i didnt pick up the phone and now they lost interest in me. whatever, i honestly didnt want to go back to a job of some sort. my last job really made me wanna kill myself.

speaking of killing myself, i keep wondering about how much ill like college. i kinda hated the superficial and meaningless pecking order that was at my middle/high school, so i hope this will be different, since i think college is more mature. i wont be popular since i am pretty ugly, and ill still live with my parents while im in college. i genuinely hope i can move out soon, i can already imagine how that would be like.

i would be so alone. but not lonely? doesnt make much sense, since i always feel a little lonely. fuck me, i feel so lonely that i draw late at night and directly after that i can vent into nothing, no one reads these descriptions but myself. i guess that i feel lonelier living here since i also cant do what i want to do, causing me to behave in a way i dont want to? plus i have to do a bunch of cleaning which wouldnt be as much if i lived alone.

i do fear i would jerk off to much. i already am addicted to porn, i read hentai without jacking off, i mean thats pretty messed up. funny thing btw, i always try to search like a self insert hentai. not that i can self insert myself into some cringy harem or something. i want to self insert into a big fucking loser that gets absolutely pampered. hilariously pathetic fact btw! when i read those doujins i always cry because no one loves me and that sort of love seems impossible for me!!! if anyone is interested, i have some bangers. since im so disgusting, that would only get worse if i lived alone. but i think it's better if only i suffered because of my problems, instead of my family suffering along with me. cause trust me, i know they hate me and find me disgusting. i do too. me being away from them is beneficial for everyone.

whatever i suck. byebye and gn