How to spot an abuser before they abuse you - by Dr. Georgiana

Описание: http://www.drgeorgiana.com If you want to find out how I can help you with a relationship issue: Take advantage of my FREE 25-minute Consultation: http://drgeorgiana.com/contact/. I coach in my San Francisco office, on the telephone or via Skype.

Have you ever had an abusive partner? And by abusive, I mean someone who has used degrading and demeaning language, withheld affection or financial help in order to punish you, hit you, shoved you, punched you or kicked you, or consistently yelled at you? And after being involved with that person, did you ask yourself if there were signs you missed that would have helped you detect their abusive tendencies earlier on?

Well, you are not alone. Many people have had this experience. I’m Dr. Georgiana, and in today’s segment, I am going to give you the tools to “Spot an abuser before they abuse you”,

I am addressing this subject in response to an email I received from Albert, from Los Angeles, California stating the following:

“Dr. Georgiana. I am in desperate need of help. A year ago, I got involved with what I thought was the sweetest woman I had ever met. She accompanied me everywhere, helped me clean my house, and was very attentive to my schedule. I had never met someone so dedicated to me before and so I fell deeply in love and married her only 6 months after meeting her. Since then, her behavior has turned into a nightmare. She has become a witch… puts me down, laughs when I make mistakes, throws food on the ground when I buy a meal she does not like and has even broken my phone. What did I miss? Please tell me because I never saw it coming…”

Albert’s traumatic experience is not that unusual and speaks to the need for learning to evaluate others before getting intimately involved with them.

This is why the primary goal in my Coaching practice is to teach my clients how to spot unhealthy traits and behaviors in anyone they come in contact with.

Contrary to most of what you will find on the internet which focuses on positive traits in people and on what to do to get your dates to like you, I focus on avoiding what you do not want in others and on recognizing what will make you deeply unhappy.

I have written an eBook on it Titled: “Don’t Get Stuck with The Wrong Partner: Learn To Detect Unhealthy Traits And Behaviors In Others”. You can find it on Amazon.

And people who sign up on the home page of my website for my 6-Module Online Program: “Should I Stay or Should I Go: How to Know for Sure If You Should Keep or Leave Your Partner” get a free presentation with the program as a bonus. This presentation explores the 14 types of individuals to avoid as partners.

Let’s discuss the 5 specific negative traits and behaviors to be aware of in order to anticipate whether the person that you are dating and considering getting involved with, is abusive.


You should look for negative traits and behaviors in a person in at least 4 different types of relationships in their lives:
Relationship #1: With their family of origin
Relationship #2: With their friends and colleagues
Relationship #3: With strangers
And Relationship #4: With you

Traits and behaviors that are ingrained and extreme tend to manifest in most, or all relationships. So even if someone does not show abusive behavior towards you specifically at the beginning, the best chance you have to find out if the person is abusive is by observing their other relationships.

So during courtship, take out your investigator hat and take note of what you see and hear that you do not like.

Now, here are the 5 negative traits that are distinctive of abusers that you need to be aware of when dating:

Trait #1: Need for Control.

The need to control others may not make a lot of sense to you. If you are a live-and-let-live person, you would never want to control someone else. Even if you’re a perfectionist, you may stay on your own case all day, and not someone else’s. But extreme controllers cannot mind their own business.

They micromanage what others say, how they act, even what they think. Early on in a relationship, they may be overly attentive and dedicated to you. But eventually, they will expect you to depend on them and will want to be involved in everything you do. They will force the movie you go to together, the restaurant you dine at, and in some cases what you wear when you go out. They may also attempt to keep you from seeing or talking to loved ones or friends. At first, you may feel loved and adored because they want to spend all their free time with you. Beware. It may not be so much that they want to spend time with you, but rather that they don’t want you spending time with anyone else.

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Find out more in the video...