Banjo Tom Vs Ol' Adolph [Banjo Tom Origins #6]

Описание: Lets travel back in time a spell,
Back before Japan,
Well, not before Japan,
Cause it exist,
But I was in Paris,
It were 1945 the end of World War Two,
And I was far from the southern bayou,
I had been drafted and placed in a special unit,
The Hicks we called it,
It were me and sasquatch and a rag tag group of men from the southern bayou,
Sasquatch joined himself cause he were my friend,
We were brothers, til' the very end

The war rages on, artillery rains,
Blood is spilt, freedoms growing pains,
Men kill men for what is right,
From dawn to the dead of night,
Tanks drive through broken ruins,
As soldiers hide in abandoned homes,
It's like being alone, the clap of gunfire as you roam,
Never ends, nor the death,
Millions breathing their last breath,
I play my banjo to pass the time,
Covered in soot and grime,
In a local cathedral, we rest a spell,
As we fight in this endless hell!

We followed the french resistance to a tavern full of krauts,
Doin' nazi shit without a doubt,
We stepped inside, 'cept for squatch, speaking german,
Which I done learned when I was in Verdun,
In World War 1, that's another tale,
We could not have this plan fail,
We needed to get close to Hitlers own special squad,
They were partially inhuman, I did saw,
Devil horns from satan they appeared to have,
Razor sharp unlike those of a calve,
Brimstone smell, like they were from hell,
Ya see, Hitler had dug into the catacombs of Paris,
And found evil magic lurkin' there,
What we needed to find was his lair...

Now, 'historians' might tell you that Ol' Adolph died of suicide in the Fuhrerbunker,
But what they ain't gonna tell you was how me and sasquatch were involved in the tale...
We followed them Jerries all the way home, Me, Don, and Larry Tomes,
To that fated place,
Which were plastered with Adolphs face,
We grabbed one Kraut who went for a piss,
And I put a knife to his throat, and I hissed,
Better tell me what my boys wanna know,
If you wanna go home,
I'll cut ya real slow,
He spilled the beans all over the floor,
Telling us there were a secret store,
Of nuclear fissile material in them bunker,
Yup, the Stormies had nukes!
Bet ya'll teachers never learned ya that!

So we entered the bunker and attacked!
Every single nazi scum we encounter got bushwacked,
Sasquatch came screaming in with his hands,
Ripping off limbs and beating to death every other Fischer and Kranz,
I opened fire with a thompson,
Shooting a Jerries johnson,
Larry Tomes opened fire,
But wait,
Things took a turn for the worse...

Ol' Larry died, and so did Don,
As beasts of terror were spawned,
Nahtzee experiments, that I did see,
Coming quick to attack me,
And Sasquatch who were freaking out,
Panic sowed the seeds of doubt,
The war rages on, artillery rains,
Blood is spilt, freedoms growing pains,
Men kill men for what is right,
From dawn to the dead of night,
Tanks drive through broken ruins,
As soldiers hide in abandoned homes,
It's like being alone, the clap of gunfire as you roam,
Never ends, nor the death,
Millions breathing their last breath,
We fought and fought til we heard a sound,
Adolph came out, firing a round,
From a massive mech that his head were inside,
His head in a jar, his head in a jar

Well I wasn't about to let Adolph Shitler survive another day,
So I dove into the fray,
Jumping onto his mech suit as he murderized my squad,
And I punched at the glass, praying to God,
It would work, that I could break in,
The glass cracked and I were thrown...

Banjo Tom, it is I, Adolph Hitler,
And you're going to die,
I ain't gonna let you live, you're going to fry,
Your banjo playing days are over,
The future is beer and sourkraut,
The future doesn't need you,
Doesn't need banjo,
So just give up and die, hillbilly!
Ha ha ha ha!

I grabbed my banjo,
Started to play a song real slow,
The crack in the jar spread, until it burst,
And his head rolled towards me,
Coulda gone worse,
I did the most american thing I could,
And brought him out, football kicking him into Paireeeeey!

Now, they might tell you he died in Berlin,
But that's a god damned lie,
I done killed him,
It were me,
Now buy me another whiskey...