How To Parent Adult Children | Advice from a Christian Counselor

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Your child is grown and, maybe, out of the house. You take a sigh of relief; your parenting is done! While you thought having an adult child would be easy, it is characterized with confusion and frustration when communicating with him/her. You want a relationship with your adult child, but it is more difficult than you thought. The following are a few suggestions to help with developing and maintaining a relationship with your adult child.

Do your children want a relationship?
The first question to think about is whether your adult child even wants to have a relationship with you. This is an important piece of information to be aware of because you cannot have a relationship with your adult child if he/she does not want one with you. The most helpful thing you can do is be patient. There may be many reasons why your adult child does not want a relationship at this time. It could be a result of hurt or other issues. You should communicate to your adult child that when he/she is ready, you are willing to hear the reasoning behind not wanting a relationship and work on the relationship.

How has your relationship changed?
Another important question to ask yourself is how the relationship with your child will change due to him/her being an adult. As you know from being a parent, your relationship with your son/daughter changes throughout his/her lifespan. Now he/she is an adult and on his/her own, the way in which he/she relates and communicates with you will be different. Thinking back to your child’s development and his/her current station in life, how do you think he/she will relate to you? For example, if your adult child has always been independent, only seeking your advice when he/she has difficulty in school, you may predict this type of relationship will continue. On the other hand, maybe you were very close with your child as he/she grew up and became an adolescent. Now he/she has gone to college and is married, you have noticed the communication has decreased. In this situation, your relationship with your adult child has changed due to his/her maturity and no longer needing advice like he/she used to.

Transitioning And Letting Go
One important change you should notice is your adult child relating to you more as a fellow adult than as a child. This is a change that you want, but may be difficult. While your son/daughter will still need to respect and honor you as his/her parent, as an adult he/ she is now her own person. Therefore, you will have to respect his/her decisions, consequences for his/her decisions, and the lack of control you now have in his/her life. At first, this is a hard transition for some and may take many years to complete. It is important to note that if your adult child still resides in your home and/or you support him/her financially, then you continue to have influence in his/her life. If this is the case, it would be most beneficial for both of you to give your adult child as many opportunities to be independent financially as possible. For example, your adult child should pay for his/her own phone bill, car insurance, and other necessities. If you continue to financially care for your adult child, he/she will struggle to separate from you financially. There is not enough room in this article to discuss this issue in detail. But, the more you can do to help your adult child become more independent from you the better.

Identify Your Expectations of the Relationship
Whether you are aware of them or not, you have expectations about any relationship in your life. These expectations may consist of the amount of contact you expect or want and do not want. They may also describe the type of interaction you want with that person. In order to have a healthy relationship with any person, you need to identify your expectations of the relationship: whether these are healthy or unhealthy expectations and does the other person have the same expectations. More specifically, realistic expectations are those behaviors wanted in the relationships that are actually reasonable. Whereas, unrealistic expectations are behaviors that are difficult or impossible to obtain....

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September Trent, MS, LPC specializes in eating disorder treatment, anxiety therapy, depression counseling, grief, and chronic illness.Learn more about September here: http://mycounselor.online/christian-c...