How Can I Keep from Singing (Paul A. AItken)

Описание: Not every piece I write tells a story...but "How Can I Keep From Singing" absolutely does.

The piece was commissioned in mid-2019 by the Brazos Valley Chorale and by November 2019, I had fully established that I would write a new setting of the familiar text. By the end of Thanksgiving 2019, I had completed the first stanza.

On December 2nd, my wife and I received news that she had a brain aneurysm requiring surgery to repair...and on December 19th, she had her first surgery through the femoral artery in her leg. The surgery was not successful and we were advised that the only solution was to fix it through a more invasive procedure: open brain surgery later that month.

Between Christmas and New Year, I wrote the second stanza and became stalled on the 3rd stanza, running out of time to complete it before the 2nd surgery which took place on December 30th. The second surgery was again unsuccessful and a 3rd attempt to repair the aneurysm was made on New Year's Eve 2019. Halfway through the third surgery, however, MacKenzie had a massive stroke that left her significantly paralyzed on her left side and nearly unable to sustain life.

Our family was devastated. The love of my life was on life support in ICU and there was nothing I could do but sit there and play music well into the night. Night after night after night.

Slowly, however, MacKenzie began to make a comeback. She first began using sign language to speak to us, and then whispering, and then speaking. She transferred from ICU to a neurological care unit, and then to a rehabilitation hospital. Over the next month and a half, she relearned to sit, and stand, and walk, and dress, and eat, and do so many things that we take for granted as human beings. MacKenzie was fully living the text: how can I keep from singing?

Over the course of her journey, I musically documented her journey: depicting our sadness, despair, and loneliness in the third stanza. The fourth stanza depicts the sense of hope and joy we have had as we’ve watched her continue to recover.

The same day I delivered this piece to the choir in Texas, however (and 2 days before MacKenzie’s release from hospital), our youngest, 16 year-old Caden, took his own life after a multi-year struggle with depression. We began reliving the story again: shock, disbelief, despair, intense grief, and more. As I write this only a month later, we are still recovering, but we know that hope will eventually return to our lives. It will simply take time to heal.

“How Can I Keep From Singing” musically depicts what Rev. Dr. Duane Anders stated in Caden’s celebration of life: 1) You are loved and you matter, 2) No pain lasts forever, 3) there is always hope, and 4) Others can help; just ask. If you asked any of 1000 people that attended Caden’s service, these words ring totally true. You ARE loved. No pain lasts forever. There is ALWAYS hope. Others can, and WILL help. Please reach out.

Here’s my email: [email protected]. #YOUmatter

The SATB/piano score is now available exclusively through JWPepper: https://www.jwpepper.com/How-Can-I-Ke...