Cuddle Party Rule #3 - Ask first.

Описание: Rule #3 of Cuddle Party: You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone.

This video is a part of a playlist that includes all the 11 rules of Cuddle Party:    • Cuddle Party Rules!  

Cuddle Party Rules: http://www.cuddleparty.com/rules/

More information:
http://www.yonialkan.com
http://www.sfcuddles.com
http://www.thebookofcuddles.com

More information about Cuddling:
http://www.cuddlist.com
http://www.cuddleparty.com

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Hi everyone, this is Dr. Yoni Alkan we're talking about the rules of cuddle party
And today we're gonna talk about rule number 3
rule #3 is "you must ask permission and receive a verbal Yes before touching anyone"
Rule three and four are the most
Packed and the most interesting but also they have a lot in them
So I'm gonna try to give you as much as I can from rule number three because there's just so much in there
That's really really good for us. But I'm gonna try to sum it up because you know times a-tickin' so
Rule number three, you must ask permission and get a verbal Yes before touching anyone
That is a great rule for cuddle parties because it allows you to actually know where the other person is
In this situation and lets them speak their mind if they're a yes or a No
Now a lot of times in our everyday life we go by facial expressions or body language, and that's great
I think that is a very useful tool for us to have in our everyday life and we should practice it but
It is not as clear as words
We communicate more clearly with words in the sense that we can actually tell one another. Yes
no, yes, but...
I would like to do it in a different way
no, but how about this? these are ways for us to communicate and actually say what we want. now,
the other thing that this rules allows is for safety
You know that if someone's going to approach you and want to touch you they are going to ask you first
You will have the opportunity of saying "no, Thank you"
before they touch you and
That is really valuable and that's the practice that we teach in cuddle parties
And I'm really excited about it because it builds safety. And when we have safety we can actually share touch
So this rule has a few things in it
At the cuddle party we give tips about how to ask for
for what you want but it also gives the idea of
We want to ask each and every step of the way. So I like to demonstrate in my parties
I ask
May I put my hand on your shoulder? And if they say yes, then I put my hand on their shoulder and I don't
Massage it I don't scratch it. I don't pet it
I just asked if I can put my hand on their shoulder
So that means that I'm waiting here if I want to massage it. I'm gonna ask "hey, would you like a shoulder rub?"
Yeah. Okay cool. Then I can massage their shoulder if I want to touch their upper arm
I'm gonna ask them for that step as well. "Hey, how about your upper arm. How about squeezes
does that sound good?" Yeah, okay
Then I can move to the next step
I want to ask each and every step of the way and I want to also wait and listen to what their answer is
Right. I don't want to go right ahead and like hey man, would you like no
No
I want to ask and wait and hear the answer that also means that some people have a hard time
Giving an answer some people
Have a hard time. "Maybe? I'm not sure..." and we'll talk about "Maybe" later and come back for rule #5
but some people really just
Some people can't find the words to say no and they're just silent and at cuddle party
We say "silence is a no" we want to take silence as a no
if I ask you for something and you're silent, or for me it's even hesitant.
I'm like, thanks. That's great
I don't need more than that. That's that's fantastic
We can move on
Yeah, and that also means that we want to take care of one another and we want to hear that Yes
I want to make sure that we are on the same page
I don't want you to be hesitant and I'd much rather have an honest No than a yes you don't really mean.
so that is pretty much, again, in a nutshell
There's so much more in there about rule number three
ask for permission and get a verbal yes before you touch anyone.
Thank you very much. Hugs to everyone and I'll see you soon