Episode 42: What to Do When We Feel Like a Rubbish Parent: 13 Steps to Dealing with Parenting Doubt

Описание: Sometimes we all feel we’ve missed the mark with our kids and it’s not a great feeling. What might be helpful during those times?

In this conversation, we return to follow up on the discussion from Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? Nine Things to Remember When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent and weave in some action steps as well as explore many related thoughts. We invite you to join us!

Both of these conversations are based on Hayley’s blog posts of the same titles. You can link in the Resources to read the full posts.

We Discuss:


That it’s alright to have hard feelings, yet we don’t want to become stuck in them

Sending ourselves a very intentional message to slow down and not get into spiralling negative thoughts

Distraction as a way to create some space from anxious or negative thoughts for a period of time

The innate coping mechanisms that our systems have that we can trust to give us natural space from worry, often in the form of sleep and rest

Bringing ourselves back to the present moment

How we often spend a lot of our time in the extremities of thinking about the past or the future

Life as a series of moments, and reminding ourselves that we get to choose how to make the most of those, learn from them and put them into the big focus, letting the others drift away

Remembering that what we take from any moment is going to be different from those around us

That when we’re living up in our head, we’re not as present and connected with our children

Reminding ourselves of the gratitude we have for the particular stage our children are in as a way of coming back to the moment and not missing these times that we won’t get back

Using our senses to help, bring us back to the present moment and getting back into our body

Deciding which input we’re going to listen to, and let in, and choosing which voices and people to have in our lives and to centre

Noticing which experiences we really feel present in and bringing more of those in

Acknowledging our greater need for rest sometimes when we live more presently and fully in the moment

Spending time with our kids in ways that we are both focussed and engaged with as a way of staying present and connected

That some personalities have a tendency toward glass half empty versus glass half full and and it may be helpful to quite intentionally practice gratitude if it doesn’t feel it’s coming up on its own

Bringing in humour and deciding which way we’re going to see a situation

Looking from the perspective that things are either okay or they’re a story

Keeping our emotions in flow rather than getting stuck in a rut with ourselves and our children

The overwhelm of feeling incompetent and frustrated as a parent

Crying and physical movement as ways of moving our emotions through

Holding our feelings in for moments where that feels the safest or best … yet acknowledging that they’re there and intentionally giving ourselves time later to process and move them through

Choosing to talk less sometimes

Choosing kindness toward ourselves and our children, and that it doesn’t necessarily matter where kindness starts because it will circle around either way

Challenges, ideas and strategies when our children are blaming or feeling negatively about our parenting

Making space for the inevitability of strong emotion, differences of opinion and arguments

That as parents, we sometimes need to give ourselves grace for criticisms our children might have, while at the same time validating our children and being accountable

Remembering that children can often come to their own conclusions and resolve things without us necessarily becoming involved

Reflecting with our children about people’s intentions and what might be going on for them

Parenting as a relationship rather than a job with a checklist

Resources:


What to Do When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent: 13 Steps to Dealing With Parenting Doubt – Taking a Kinder Path

Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? 9 Things to Do When You Doubt your Parenting

Who I Am: The Words I Tell Myself by Susan Verde, Peter H. Reynolds (Illustrator)

Birdbound

Lulastic Hippyshake

Ever Learning – Being Conscious of the External Processor: How Being Aware of the Way our Child Makes Decisions Can Help Us Avoid Getting Tangled Up

19 Benefits of a Good Cry: The Comforting Case for Crying (and Why it’s Good for Us) – Taking a Kinder Path

Virtual Kitchen Table Community

Joy lists : A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started). – Taking a kinder path

Self-soothing checklists : the secret to raising our mood and energy levels fast – Taking a kinder path

Create a calming kit to help you cope (45+ ideas to get started right now) – Taking a kinder path