Kenneth Faried All 96 Dunks Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Dunkilation)

Описание: “Yo Kenneth. We’re supposed to be having fun here, but you’re just sitting there looking at your phone while all the ladies in the club walk right by you,” Mike Miller scolded through a mouthful of food. “Wait. You still thinking about that old teammate of yours?”

“He’s not just an ‘old teammate’,” Kenneth Faried snapped. “JaVale was a dear friend, and our friendship transcended basketball. Whenever I partake in these social outings, I can’t help but think about how much fun he would be having were he with us.”

Mike set down greasy, half-consumed mozzarella stick. “You’ve been too busy looking at pics of that dude to notice that there are hundreds of real-life women here who are pretending not to stare at your muscles.”

Kenneth, who was indeed wearing a revealing outfit consisting of a white, form-fitting tanktop and a small pair of purple running shorts, shook his head. “I’m not ready for another relationship.”

“You never even told me what was wrong with the last girl,” Mike whined. “How am I supposed to connect with you on a bro level if I can’t even give you relevant advice about women and all their vagaries?” Kenneth didn’t feel like informing Mike of the true nature of the relationship between him and JaVale McGee, so he remained silent. Even when Mike got up with the stated goal of “scoring a chick for my bro Kenneth,” all the dreadlocked Nugget could do was continue to swipe through the picture galleries on his phone.

Within a minute, Mike was back, holding a mid-twenties woman by the hand. “I know you aren’t into one-night stands, but the third girl I asked said she would go on a date with you instead. And she’s not totally trash. Look.”

Kenneth reluctantly looked up from his phone. The woman Mike had found was indeed attractive and was not dressed like a harlot, so she was a significant step up from the typical club-going female. Not willing to put up any more of a fight, he asked for her number (which was willingly supplied) and put it into his contacts list.

“You’re gonna have to leave us alone now,” Mike told the woman. “My buddy here is feeling sort of shy right now.” The woman drunkenly tottered off; Mike watched her rear end sway away, but Kenneth had returned to his JaVale pictures.
—
Kenneth investigated his appearance in the dark reflection of his car window. The suit and top hat combination was always classy, but now he began to question whether it was appropriate for a first date, especially considering that the suit was purple. It was too late to go home and change, but he was accustomed to being the best-dressed person at any occasion, so he adjusted his free-flowing dreadlocks one last time before walking into the Italian restaurant where his date Amanda was presumably waiting.

The host led him to an isolated table in the back corner of the establishment. His date was already sitting at the table. The modest dress she wore looked good on her, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying JaVale’s memory for thinking such thoughts. “You must be Amanda,” he said as he sat down and removed his hat. “It is nice to see you again.”

Amanda giggled. “Do you always wear a top hat on dates?”

“I don’t go on many dates so I guess I don’t have an answer to that one,” Kenneth joked. “You’re gonna love this place. My pal Danilo says it’s the most authentic Italian in town. No alfredo sauce for a thousand miles.”

“Oh,” Amanda said sadly, picking up her menu. “I like fettuccine alfredo.”

“Don’t worry, they have normal stuff you should recognize. Just no alfredo.” Even faced with the anxiety of being on a date with a new person, he had begun to formulate the perfect wine pairing for anything that Amanda might order.

Food and wine were eventually ordered. Amanda was proving to be a likable dinner companion, and she didn’t seem unduly obsessed with his status as a professional athlete, but Kenneth felt bad for expertly perpetuating the charade that she might have a chance with him. In truth, no woman had a chance with him.

His phone suddenly made a “you’ve got a text” chime. But not just any chime. It was “his” chime. Heart beating just a little bit faster, Kenneth murmured “I gotta check this”, then read what JaVale had send him. Amanda made an annoyed “humph” sound, but Kenneth missed the annoyed look on her face entirely.

Kenneth suddenly pushed his chair away from the table and stood up. “Excuse me bitch, but I have to get to the airport.”

“Bitch? Airport?”

Kenneth perched his top hat back on his head. He couldn’t stop smiling. “I gotta fly down to Dallas to meet my BOYFRIEND,” he clarified.

“Boyfriend!?”

“That’s right bitch,” Kenneth replied, setting down some money to cover the bill. “Java Bean and Fareak reunited at last.”

With this puzzling statement hanging in the air, Kenneth dashed to his car, eagerly anticipating the antics he and JaVale would soon get up to.