Dear Dineva: I'm Tired of Caring For My Irresponsible Mom, Should I Stay or Go?

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Letter:

Dear Dineva,

I am Ashley, a 25 year old blackity black woman who is tired of being tired. My mom(63) had me at 38 during her last marriage with my dad (they separated when I was 7) and 3 girls(41, 43, and 45) in a previous relationship. My sisters being older all lived outside the house while I grew up with the exception of my oldest sister, who was in and out until 2017, she has 3 kids (19, 26, 28) which were all raised by my mom and grandmother while my sister chased boys and so on(The typical story). Now that I’m older I’ve realized my grandmother was a crutch for my mom, allowing my mom to make somewhat poor decisions , I.e. quitting a job without a new offer, because living with grandma is always plan B. My grandma passed in 2010 from pancreatic cancer, I was 14 at the time and my mom completely checked out. She didn’t enroll me in school for almost 1.5 years resulting in me having to get a GED. My sisters kids had moved with their mom and her unemployed boyfriend at this point, coming around every now and then for dinner or what not. Fast forward to me at 19 me and my mom were codependent on each other because to my knowledge nobody really helped us and all we had were each other. I had lived with my dad in Los Angeles on and off during this period to get work and help my mom but he was on drugs and things would happen causing me to have to move back home.

Now today, we moved into a house my mom inherited in Texas In 2017. It’s very old and needs work but I’ve been doing inexpensive diy renovations to make her comfortable before I move to the city. Come to find out she aint been doing f**king sh*t with it because she owes almost $10k in property taxes and the house is at risk of auction if at least half isn’t paid soon. I completely shut down with anger, because I feel important years of my life so far have been a waste and with the future being unpredictable but with opportunity I want to take advantage of it and do something for me that makes me happy. She’s closed minded and a bit religious (I can’t have liquor in the house). I’m completely torn between doing me and sacrificing more of my life helping my mom get steady. She’s cost me so much already but nobody else helps. I’m becoming so hostile and disconnected with I hate that I don’t enjoy her presence anymore and it’s been a long time since I have. This has affected my romantic relationships because men find it weird that after a while I still don’t introduce them to my family and I couldn’t be less family oriented. For example, not spending thanksgiving and Christmas with family and sending gift cards with no personal touch.

Dineva should I stay or should I go?

Need advice? Email me: [email protected]

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