Deep Confidence: Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection

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No matter who you are, rejection is inevitable.
Rejection is even more likely as you start to pursue goals and dreams that really matter to you. When you take an active stance towards your life, when you get out of the bleachers and onto the field, rejection can become a regular occurrence.

But we don't like rejection. It feels painful, uncomfortable, and embarrassing. We tend to conclude that it means something bad about us, that we did something terribly wrong.



We often think: If only I were smarter, quicker, or somehow better, then I could have prevented this rejection.


This mindset assumes that you should never be rejected, and if you are it means that you are somehow inadequate. In order to create the success and confidence you truly deserve, you must learn how to handle rejection.

Here are 3 better ways to manage this uncomfortable, yet inevitable, part of life:



1. Stop Personalizing!

Personalizing is when you conclude that the rejection was totally your fault and reflects your inadequacy. Somewhere in all of our minds we have learned this formula:



REJECTION = INADEQUATE



If someone rejects me, it means I'm bad, not good enough, and a not worthy.

In order to handle rejection more effectively you must change this formula, you must change what rejection means.

What else could rejection mean?

It could mean that you were not that person's preference, you aren't a good fit for that group, the other person is upset or hurting and in a bad mood. The key is to stop immediately swallowing the "rejection mean's I'm a loser" thought and to start actively seeking alternative meanings that don't involve personalizing.



2. Stay with the Disappointment

When you are really interested in someone and they don't want to go out with you, or when you really want a job and you don't get it, it is painful.



When you really want something and you are rejected, you will most likely experience a strong feeling of disappointment.


The key to handling rejection well is realizing that this feeling is natural and healthy. Of course you're disappointed -- that person, job, or goal really matters to you! Give yourself the space to really feel the disappointment.

Feel the sinking or heaviness in your chest or stomach. Feel the internal resistance to being rejected. Feel the sadness or tears behind your eyes.

The more you can simply feel the emotion without going into a story about why you weren't good enough, the more quickly it will pass through you. This disappointment can serve to remind you how meaningful it is to you to meet a partner or find your ideal job. It can also serve to strengthen and fuel you to pursue your dreams with a new passion and vigor.



3. Don't Give Up Prematurely!

For most people, the first response to even a hint of rejection is to give up. This happens because we can so quickly go to that place of I knew I wasn't good enough, why am I even trying this?

Stop personalizing!



Rejection does not mean you are inadequate. All it means is right now the person is saying no.


Rather than hastily throwing in the towel, see this is a temporary setback. Tap into your motivation, desire, drive, and passion for pursuing whatever it is you are pursuing.

Why do I want this? Why does it matter to me? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to get there??

From this place, try again. Ask questions. Tell the person what you want. See if you can convince them.

If it is a final no, then try again with another person, another job. So often we can get fixated on one particular person or situation, and forget that there are many ways to reach our goals.

Develop a persistence and an unreasonable unwillingness to give up.

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