Psychological Reasons Why You Struggle Making Friends

Описание: Have you ever wondered about the psychology of making friends and why making friends is hard in the modern world? Many people experience social anxiety in adults, feeling as though there is an invisible wall preventing them from building meaningful connections. This struggle often stems from a combination of behavioral science and social psychology factors, such as the spotlight effect, where we overestimate how much others notice our flaws, and the liking gap, the scientific tendency to underestimate how much people actually like us. Whether it’s rejection sensitivity triggered by a defensive state, or the exhaustion of social camouflaging—including autism masking and adhd masking—understanding these psychological reasons for loneliness is the first step toward overcoming social fear.

In this deep dive psychology session, we explore how personality traits and emotional intelligence intersect with our attachment styles. We’ll break down how an avoidant attachment style or an anxious attachment style can create a "push-pull" dynamic that leads to social burnout. Furthermore, we look at the systemic issues contributing to why I am lonely, such as the friendship recession and the lack of propinquity caused by the disappearance of third places psychology. By increasing your social self-efficacy and understanding the human mind, you can learn how to make friends as an adult and navigate the complexities of human behavior. Join us at Psychology is Simplified as we promote mental health awareness and help you dismantle the barriers to connection.
In this video, you’ll learn:

The Spotlight Effect: Why feeling "hyper-visible" drains your social battery.

Attachment Blueprints: How anxious or avoidant styles create a "push-pull" dynamic.

The Liking Gap: The scientific proof that people actually like you more than you think.

Neurodivergence & Camouflaging: The exhausting reality of "masking" in social settings.

Social Self-Efficacy: How past rejection creates a "defensive state" in the brain.

The Propinquity Factor: Why the loss of "third places" makes modern friendship harder than ever.

REFERENCES
Boothby, E. J., Cooney, G., Sandstrom, G. M., & Clark, M. S. (2018). The liking gap in conversations: Do people like us more than we think? Psychological Science, 29(11), 1742–1756. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618783714

Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s own actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 211–222. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78....

Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M. C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-31...

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. [Note: This foundational study established the attachment styles (Avoidant/Anxious) discussed in the script]. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52....

Mastroianni, A. M., Cooney, G., Boothby, E. J., & Reece, A. G. (2021). The liking gap in groups and teams. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 162, 109–122. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2020....

Festinger, L., Schachter, S., & Back, K. (1950). Social pressures in informal groups: A study of human factors in housing. Harper. [Note: This is the seminal work on Propinquity and how physical proximity creates friendship]. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1950-1...

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