Declutter Your Marriage: 14 Toxic Beliefs to Trash in 2026

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Kick off 2026 by decluttering your mind and marriage! In this episode, we explore how cluttered beliefs create misery in relationships and share 14 destructive marriage myths backed by research from experts like John Gottman, Murray Bowen, David Schnarch, and Carol Dweck. Learn healthier alternatives to foster deeper connection, reduce resentment, and build a fulfilling partnership. Perfect for couples seeking healthy relationship tips, toxic belief deconstruction, and marriage advice grounded in science.

Episode Highlights & Timestamps:

00:07 - Intro & Decluttering Story: How physical decluttering inspired mental belief purging.
01:30 - Anxiety & Borrowed Beliefs: Quote from Kathleen Smith on becoming "borrowers instead of builders" of thinking (related article).
04:24 - Why Beliefs Matter: Your beliefs shape your marriage reality.
05:42 - Belief 14: "My spouse should make me happy / complete me." External locus of control and lower satisfaction.
06:57 - Belief13: "If they really loved me, they'd know what I need without me saying it." Mind-reading expectations and conflict.
08:18 - Belief 12: "A happy marriage means we never fight or have conflict." Gottman's perpetual problems and repair.
9:53 - Belief 11: "My partner should change to fix our problems." Perceptions drive satisfaction, not change.
11:31 - Belief 10: "Disparate sexual desires mean we're incompatible." Schnarch's sexual crucible and normal variations.
13:51 - Belief 9: "Keeping score of who does more is fair and necessary." Scorekeeping breeds resentment.
15:14 - Belief 8: "My spouse is responsible for my emotional reactions." Bowen differentiation and owning emotions.
16:29 - Belief 7: "True love means total agreement on everything." Disagreeing respectfully enriches us.
18:42 - Belief 6: "If I try harder, they'll finally appreciate me/change." Over-functioning and burnout.
17:36 - Belief 5: "A little jealousy and control shows how much I care." Control erodes trust.
19:56 - Belief 4: "Criticism and contempt are just honest feedback." Gottman's Four Horsemen predictors.
21:42 - Belief 3: "Marriage should stay the same as when we fell in love." Growth mindset vs. fixed views.
22:59 - Belief 2: "If it's hard, it means we're not right for each other." Challenges are normal in all couples.
23:58 - Belief 1: "Marriage is supposed to be incredibly hard work all the time." Harvard Study on relationships and happiness.

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