Do you have a defence mechanism of pushing people away?

Описание: Dear Katie,

Q: “Why is it that when I meet a guy who I think is right, I convince myself he isn’t and push him away?”


A: If you have a habit of pushing guys away (even the really great ones) then it’s probably your defence mechanism kicking in to keep you safe. We play out all these stories in our heads based on past experiences, pain or trauma and they cloud our judgement of what’s actually safe. So if you’re pushing great guys away all the time, it’s a beautiful opportunity to practice vulnerability.
But, we can only practice vulnerability when we feel safe. So in the early stages of a new relationship, trust has to be built bit by bit so that we begin to feel safe. In order to build trust we have to feel into our vulnerability and stand in our truth. If you feel safe each time you open up and speak your truth, then the trust deepens and the relationship builds a strong foundation of intimacy. If we are too scared to be vulnerable then we’ll stay stuck in this pattern of pushing guys away and convincing ourselves that we can’t trust anyone.


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