Heard, Helped, or Hugged = Great communication tools. This builds trust and emotional safety.

Описание: Heard. Helped. Hugged.
Raj Mehta, L.M.S.W.
A simple framework to prevent emotional misfires and deepen connection.
The Problem
Most conflict does not come from a lack of care. It comes from giving the wrong kind of support at
the wrong time. We give advice when someone wants to vent, try to fix when someone needs
comfort, or stay silent when reassurance is needed. Good intentions miss the mark when we
guess instead of ask.
The 3 H’s
At any given moment, a person usually needs ONE of three things:
• To be HEARD
• To be HELPED
• To be HUGGED
Ask directly: “Do you need to be heard, helped, or hugged right now?”
If you are the one struggling, ask yourself the same question.
HEARD
This means the person wants to talk and feel understood — not fixed.
Your role is to listen fully, validate feelings, and reflect what you hear without interrupting or
correcting.
Helpful responses: “That sounds really painful.” “I get why you’d feel that way.”
No advice. No solutions.
HELPED
This means the person wants solutions and guidance.
Ask clarifying questions, brainstorm options, and offer practical next steps. This is problem-solving
— not emotional processing.
HUGGED
This means the person needs comfort and reassurance.
Offer empathy, supportive language, and calm presence. Physical comfort should only be offered
if appropriate and welcome.
Helpful responses: “I’m here with you.” “You’re not alone in this.”
Why the 3 H’s Work
• Reduces misunderstandings
• Empowers the person to choose the support they need
• Builds trust and emotional safety
• Improves personal, professional, and clinical relationships
Key Takeaway: Connection improves when we stop guessing and start asking.
Before responding, pause and ask: Heard? Helped? Or Hug