I fell for you. - Poem by J.

Описание: This is a poem about someone I used to love a long time ago.


(it is VERY gay)


poem starts below if you'd rather read


↓↓↓

When we met I was young
I look at pictures from that time and look to my eyes
I see the difference between then and now
Whether it’s hope and innocence, or naivety

In those moments I remember everything
Every joke
Every deep conversation
Every feeling

I remember being 15
I remember staying up all night to talk to you
I remember being excited to talk to you as soon as we both got out of school
I remember all my defensive walls falling as we grew closer
I remember feeling safe for once
And I remember it was because of you

I remember being 16
Our group of friends being closer than ever
At least it felt that way
I didn’t see how I was mistreated, but you did
You were older and you saw how she mistreated me
Yet you didn’t care, you urged me to stay
Making me wait for her to change, but you knew she wouldn’t
Time and again you dragged me back to suffer some more
And you didn’t seem to care, but I still clung to you
I trusted your morals
I trusted you


I remember the way jokes turned to feelings
And those feelings were real and they meant something and so did you
Because I loved you
But you chose her
I wasn’t upset you didn’t choose me
I remember the way jokes turned to feelings
And those feelings were real and they meant something and so did you
Because I loved you
And you chose her
You always chose her over me, but I wasn’t upset


I remember being 17
I remember all the dreams I had about you
I remember the intense emptiness I felt without you
I remember the way I fell apart when I realized how I felt
My mask of strength crumbling into dust as I realized it was too late
Never before had I felt so worthless

Now I’m the same age you were when we met
Now I just feel ashamed I let you make me believe it was my fault
I’m now embarrassed at how much I self-destructed over losing you
I’m disgusted I ever saw you as good
I’m disappointed you fell for an abuser
I hate that I ever fell for you
I hate that I’ll never have the chance to scream at you for everything
I hate that I’m still hurt by the way you tossed me aside
I hate that you leaving made me fall to my rock bottom

Yet despite all that
I don’t hate you
I don’t love you
But I don’t hate you
You don’t deserve either
You didn’t care about me
Therefore you don’t matter enough to be hated or loved
You are simply a distant memory
One I no longer miss
But wherever you are now
I hope you’re happy with your choice
Because I know I am.


Goodbye.

btw this post has nothing to do with valentines day i only realized that after i recorded and posted this

hope yall are happy

im over here in desperate need of my anti-depressants lol