My Avoidant Partner Ghosted Me: How to Rewrite the Story [Attachment Styles]

Описание: Have you or someone you know ever been “ghosted?”

If you’re upset over someone ghosting you, its likely because you thought they were a pretty great person while they were still around, and you are upset over the loss of how it felt to be around them, and the abruptness of the disconnection, without a context for understanding what it means, if anything.

And so, imagining now that they were really an asshole beneath it all, may also feel painful, because that means you are telling yourself a story about being stupid enough to be fooled by an asshole, which invalidates all the good feelings and thoughts you discovered within yourself. So, you are choosing a story that does not serve you.

In affect, its throwing out the baby with the bathwater; which is an expression that means you are tossing out all the good with the bad.

So, let’s write a different story.

And I’d like to share my personal and recent relationship to ghosting, to illustrate how to do this.
A few months ago, I took a trip to Mexico and met a warm, friendly, sexy, interesting and creative man, the second I stepped off the plane. We spent a lot of time together, and I enjoyed him so much, I went back a few months later.

The second visit was even better than the first. And he did all the little nurturing things that partners do to make you feel cared for. He would sing me to sleep every night, playing guitar. He would push the hair off my face and make sure I’d eaten enough. He’d make me walk on the inside of the sidewalk, away from the cars. He took me to all his favorite places and historical spots. And, of course, he made sure I was satisfied in other ways :)

I was so enamored with this person. I made portraits and poetry about him. I learned how to play Spanish songs on the guitar, so that I might impress him. I even cooked for him! And I am a busy New Yorker that has a seamless addiction!

By the time I left, we were making plans for my next return trip in three months. Indeed, there were tears in his eyes when he dropped me off at the airport.

After I got back to New York, however, he sent only two curt messages, over the course of two weeks, before ghosting me entirely.

And so, I did what any normal person would do: I cried my eyes out, and asked myself, Had it all been a facade? Did I say or do something wrong? Did I do what my sisters often accuse me of, and “pull a Briana” by being too intense, emotionally analytical, and direct?

And I suffered no small amount of embarrassment and self flagellation, considering this is something I talk all day long about!

Eventually, however, In my situation, I was able to see things well enough from his perspective, to understand he probably thought he was doing the kindest thing for both of us, in the gentlest way possible.

To learn more about how I arrived at that conclusion (and maybe you will too), checkout this 5-minute replay clip, and let me know your comments in the thread below!

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